all in the nature of the job


I’ve come to realise that there are just some things in a job that have to be expected and some things which are tolerated which may not be so in the outside world. In my line of work long unsociable hours, rudeness, bad manners and impatience are all pretty much the norm and you learn to try and ignore these things as hard as they seem at the time, reminding yourself that at least you are working whilst many others are not. You learn to be subservient to people who appreciate little and demand much and tell yourself it all comes with the job and there is little you can do about it and truth be told that is pretty much the case. But then there are the things that are harder to tolerate, abuse both mental and physical and i have been on the receiving end of both on many an occasion but it unlike other things never gets any easier to deal with. Having again tonight been on the receiving end of physical violence i found i had to fight very hard within myself not to get up and leave but like so many i know i cannot and accepted it and stayed knowing very well that tomorrow the very same thing could occur yet resigned to the fact i have little choice for it is all in the nature of the job. But even this will fade somewhat and i will find myself carrying on until next time but there are some things i find harder to deal with and in all honesty i am not sure i want to come to a point where i bear them with ease for i believe this would make me harder hearted than i would ever wish to be. Having today learned of the passing away of a person whom only yesterday i was caring for, i confess this has affected me more than i let on to anyone. Aside from distant memories of grandparents i have never known anyone who has died and never had to face nor deal with it yet today this was so much closer than i would have believed. I find it so very hard to accept that yesterday i was washing and dressing this person and chatting away and now suddenly they are not here and i suddenly am doubting myself.Did i do enough? Did i care enough? Was everything i did enough to have made their last day how it should have been? For i do not think i could live with the thought that i did not do everything to the best of my ability and therefore have failed in my duty when it was needed of me most. And yet i know i always give my best but it does not stop me looking at the door as i pass and knowing someone is missing and i feel more than a little sad. In all that this is an inevitable part of life i find that this is not something i wish to get used to, never do i want to care any less than i do right now and i hope every one affects me as much as this is right now. And while my thoughts are with that person i wish for them whichever happy place was of their belief and for myself i try to remember that it is all in the nature of the job

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