call the fire brigade!!


Well ive always been very spontaneous and i really hate planning things. Combine this with a periodical restless urge to move furniture and you have my eureka moment for today. Now bearing in mind i only rearranged my bedroom a month prior i had the bright idea that being bored with it already this would be a really good time to change it all around again….Really?? Fast forward to an hour later and my butt is firmly pinned between a wall and a very big wardrobe which is clearly going nowhere and i am happily inventing all manner of new words to very colourfully but without profanity decorate my situation. Of course a sea of clothes and shoes adorning the room did very little to help matters and i think it would surprise you yet how much one woman can accumulate in a 13ft square room. All this despite my many jaunts upstairs to be ‘ruthless’ and clear out my room which usually results in my clinging to a beautiful ball dress wailing ‘but i CANT’ give it away what if the queen invites me to a party!!’  So as colourful waves of belongings roll in every direction i’m frantically wriggling behind said wardrobe growling ‘you WILL move damn you’. and trying not to fall over a small bookcase wedged into my left hip. Of course it didnt move and at this point i had to be inventive and sit on the floor and shove the darned thing with my feet, a very slow and tedious process which became more interesting by the minute the further away i got from the wall. It was at this point i realised i actually was trapped in my room and should mother nature call i would have to resort to hanging my butt out of the window and peeing down the wall, most unladylike and enough of a scenario to make anyone giggle including the me!! So right about then i would’ve really welcomed a visit from the fire brigade, they do search and rescue right?? well what better opportunity to practise…call the fire brigade!! And if you’ve ever seen a teddy bear laugh, and believe me they do, then oh boy were they laughing right now. I freely admit that a job with a furniture removal company would not be top of the list when they were handing them out to me. Well with much carry on style manoeuvring i eventually managed to rearrange the furniture and was happily singing a lovely duet with Bruno Mars to It Will Rain when a voice pipes up from the next room and informs me the neighbours will think im dying.Well i thought i was doing rather well and at least half of it was in tune!! so then i decided to survey the mess and sat down on the bed only to hear a loud THUNK as i dropped four inches towards the floor. Yes you guessed it i broke the bed!! Well i think right then i called abandon ship, crawled over a mountain of clothes in the doorway and retreated downstairs to the solace of coffee and contemplation of my DIY skills. Maybe a new bed might be in order……………….??


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