semi detached


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How bizarre is it that time spent doing as we please seems to fly so fast we scarcely have time to notice nor enjoy it as much as in hindsight we wish we had. All too soon the weekend is over and the death knells of reality are already pealing their impending doom in the distance as i frantically glare at the clock willing the time to go more slowly yet even as i do in truth i know this to be a most futile effort. Lately i have the strangest feeling of detachment as though watching another living my life and me peering halfheartedly at it as like in some uneventful soap opera i watch events unfold. Perhaps it is the thought of an unenviable task looming in the near distance, a point which i am rapidly reaching and dreading more as the closer to it i become. I am not regretting my decision i know in all honesty it is right for me and i know as distasteful as this is to move on from this point it is something i need to do but i find even so i cannot look forward to this with relish. Perhaps it is the thought of the precarious situation i am intending to place myself in for i find i am not one with whom uncertainty sits well and i find a security in knowing where i am in all things. But most unsettling of all is a strange sense of fear, which in itself makes me most uneasy for i am rarely afraid of anything and common sense tells me in this case my fear is irrational and yet i still feel a small sense of it that is quite frankly both unfamiliar and disturbing. For one so positive and confident this is all so unaccustomed a feeling to me and i find i am not bearing it as well as i would like. So time is marching on despite my best efforts to will it to the contrary and trepidation tempered with resignation colours my mood. So decisive and yet still i question my choice wondering if perhaps the path of least resistance is more favourable than a rocky road and such an aura as i wear now. I shall in all honesty be thankful when this is all over and then at least i shall know it is done and the road will lead in only one direction. the path i chose to take. 

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