Encounters with a 43 year old teenager

So last day in my job rolls around and i’m stuck working the night shift, a fact that really didnt make my day and if i was guilty of clock watching on a major scale then i hold my hands up and confess to it. Never has an evening crawled by so slowly and thanks only to two of my colleagues i was saved from being in a very bad mood for i did not one bit want to be there. 

So end of shift looming said colleagues pounced in the corridor and invited me to go along for a drink with them which my immediate reaction was to refuse. I am not much of a drinker and really am not particularly fond of pubs and sitting around listening to drunken people whilst nursing a drink that i really do not want is not my idea of fun. My colleagues however were not of a mind to take no for an answer and pressed their advantage saying that it was after all my last day so at this i half heartedly agreed fully intending to make my escape at the earliest opportunity.

So some time later still in uniform we weaved our way through a busy pub, pretending to ignore the antics of one or two males clutching parts of their bodies shouting ‘NURSE i need help’ before finally resorting to raised eyebrows and replies of ”sorry we’re not nurses but we do deal with the elderly so youre okay’  

Now this is where i made my big mistake, remember i’m no drinker and should’ve erred on the side of caution but no i threw all that out of the window and nonchalantly declared i would have the large glass of wine.Common sense would have dictated i opt for the small but ill humour prodded at me to be daring. Surprisingly aided with a very nice wine and humour unrestrained by the rules and regulations of work i was actually having a good time and if i was drinking my wine too quickly i did not notice at the time. 

Now i was still sober,remembered i do not drink and refused when offered a second drink by my colleage but this was swiftly rebuffed with the response that it was after all my last day so when large glass number two arrived i quite merrily drank my way through it and i must admit it did not last very long.Perhaps i would have been wiser to choose something a little less palatable thus slowing the desire to imbibe it so quickly. 

Right about now my nose and i started having issues for it became very fuzzy and i poked at it wondering why it felt all numb and my mouth just would not co-operate when i tried to talk. Did i refuse another drink? Unwisely i did not and amid fits of the giggles and a slight swaying in my chair. Bad mood was long dismissed and i had to admit it had been a rather effective way to de-stress.

An hour and a half later when the bartender rings for last orders i pull out my mobile to check the time and stared fuzzily at the dozens of messages and missed calls on screen wondering why i had suddenly become so popular and opened a message from dear daughter number two saying ‘where ARE you??’  texting back a brief  ‘At pub, leaving do, back soon ( or at least that was my intent but in my drunken state it was in actuality rather full of typos)  i picked up my drink only to receive a reply pinged quickly back.

Glass to mouth the message flashed up on screen ‘ We thought you were missing we’ve called the police everyone is looking for you’. Okay so i choked on my drink and shrieked loudly to my colleagues ‘OH GOD my kids have called the police!!’  Total horror i mean i’m a 43 year old grown woman who just happened to wander to the pub on the way home…..really??? The police??

Scrolling through the messages i find a text from the local police saying please call us immediately and i yelped in horror feeling for all the world like some rebelllious teen caught running away from home as a message pings through from dear daughter number one declaring ‘i’m coming to get you!!!’ Colleagues are at this moment giggling helplessly and i am loudly bewailing teens who 9 nights out of ten would not notice if i danced naked on the front lawn.

Briefly i prayed for Jeremy Beadle to come leaping from around the corner bouncily declaring it all some big prank but alas it was not so and we all weaved way to the door to be met outside by DD1 in best teacher voice scolding ”MOTHER!! youre drunk!!”   And i was, as i cheerily and loudly slurred ‘Dear i am 43 years old and a big girl if you want to declare me missing at least give me until morning to actually BE missing!!’

Hmmmmm perhaps its time to get a life and give worrisome teens more experience of a grown up mommy with freedom!!

Police indeed!!