When sometimes you’re the only one to blame


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I seem to have one of those natures where people often ask my advice, unfailingly practical and with a no frills bluntness that doesnt always get well received. Usually this is due to the fact that when asking advice people often do not really WANT your opinion, they merely wish you to parrot what they wish to hear in order to make them feel better. I have always warned my friends ‘if you do not actually want my advice then please dont ask for it’ Simple. 

Recently teen daughter has been having dramas with boyfriend and comes looking for advice which im happy to dole out and always have a free ear because i love her and dont like to see her upset. She listens but then the merry go round swings again and theyre back to square one because she chooses to disregard what i say since it wasn’t what she wanted to hear. I know i’m just some crazy old mom who was never a teenager, what do i know right?? 

Today she came to me with a cry i have heard from many of my friends ‘He treats me like rubbish’ followed by a wail and dissolving into tears. Now please dont think i’m heartless i am far from this but my practical advice has always been the same to every single one of them..

”they can only treat you how you ALLOW them to treat you”

The simple fact is keep permitting this treatment and you are giving off signals galore that this is acceptable and you are agreeable to it. The only way to stop being treated the way you are is to break the cycle and make it clear you are NOT going to tolerate it. Teen daughter then wailed ‘you should hear how he talks to me on the phone mum’ and i had to gently point out that she ALLOWED him to speak to her that way and that if he doesn’t get the message when she tells him she wont put up with it then she should just refuse to speak to him until he gets the idea.

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Perhaps i seem harsh, im really not im actually very caring but i see no sense in dispensing advice if it is not constructive for in that case it really is no advice at all. If all you need is a hug and a shoulder to cry on ive got more than enough of both and will always be there with that and a box of tissues. However having been on the receiving end of much bad treatment in my time i accept that in some small degree the person behaving that way is  at fault but ultimately the real blame lies with me for allowing it to keep happening. 

Sometimes when things keep occurring you just need to take a step back and have a long hard look at the things you tolerate and accept without question even when they are far from good for you. Because in the end you can only be treated the way you allow yourself to be and if this isn’t the way you would like then maybe the only one to blame is you!!

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