Well day three and back to the gym we go, rain drizzling madly as usual as we trudged along the road. The thought of hitting the gym on a saturday was pretty daunting, for my love handles and i were not ready to encounter the guys just yet and they held on firmly to the door frame wailing ‘ pleeeease don’t make me go in!!’ Dear daughter and i had figured that most guys would be there on a saturday afternoon and pre lunch we would be safe….WRONG!! The gym was busy, very busy and apart from some cobweb delicate little waiflet who looked like a puff of wind would blow her away we were the only girls.
Great, time to pull the stomach in and walk slowly so the wobbly bits dont start shouting ‘LOOK MA I’M A JELLY!!’ Okay so i’m not that bad but it does make you kind of paranoid working out in a gym full of perfect bodies when youre more Bridget Jones than Beyonce, trust me. Just then dear daughter hisses really loudly ‘MUM there’s that guy that stares at you in town’…….. oh goody!! Yes this particular guy always catches my eye in town whenever i see him and i’m nice i say hello but do i want him watching me work out?…erm NO!!
Ten minutes later firmly ensconced upon the treadmill dear daughter was gloomily prodding her lower stomach bewailing its size whilst i pinched the spare wobble under my derriere to keep her company reassuring her she was not the only one. A muffled snort followed as dear daughter stage whispers ‘mum that guys eyebrows just shot up and he smirked like crazy when you did that’ Okay comedy moment followed i blushed furiously, lost my composure and kicked the front of the treadmill causing me to wobble and sail backwards flailing wildly. Just managing to jump onto the sides before i fell off i collapsed into giggles as did the young guy behind me who had clearly thought it a moment worthy of You’ve been framed’ Luckily i am not one to be so easily embarrassed so i had no qualms about getting back on but that will teach me to keep my concentration in future.
I guess we are lucky where we live for the gym is quite small and everyone very friendly, the guys more than happy to make room for the girls and offer advice if we need it. Still bewailing the less than perfection of her stomach dear daughter enlists the aid of the very helpful trainer to advise on exercise and issue the most golden moment of the day. Eyeing her up and down he glanced at her middle and said ‘oh just had a baby have you?’
Well dear daughter has never had children and the furiously indignant look on her face would be guaranteed to turn any man to stone. Admittedly the only thing he could’ve said that was worse is ‘ARE you pregnant’ Yes and panda brain instantly had images of the trainer shrunk to 3 inches high running around in circles screeching ‘I’M SORRY!!’ in a high pitched voice. Protesting loudly that he was a ‘cheeky sod’ she indignantly enlightened him to the fact she is infact childless, which escalated further when very helpful trainer unabashedly announces that usually only women with children have kangaroo pouches. Oh dear, he would have been most wise to stop talking right about then.
I really shouldn’t laugh but as i said before dear daughter is most funny when in a mood and her disgruntled diatribe continued long after we had reached home. Still going some time later i had to sympathise somewhat with almost son in law as he stood in hesitant confusion wondering what to say and perhaps was wisest of all in remaining quiet. As evening rolled in and my arm muscles screamed in protest i pondered starvation as even the effort of lifting a cup proved difficult then reassured myself it will all be worth it…..eventually.