But it’s good for you!!

Well dear blog readers the panda has turned into a gym bunny. Note here i said gym BUNNY and not gym BARBIE!! 

My determination to lose weight and tone up has mutated into somewhat of an obsession and despite a minor back injury i have still been stubbornly hauling my butt down to the gym ( frowning is bad for you by the way it gives you wrinkles!). Perhaps this is some quirk in my nature but when i become very determined about anything i develop an almost crazy tenacity that keeps me going no matter what. Incredibly ,annoyingly stubborn, that is me. Imagine a 60lb Rottweiler with a bone and you would not be far wrong. Actually i confess i enjoy it yet had you said this to me three years ago i should have laughed like a hyena at the mental image it presented me.

So obsession in tow i have been hitting the protein bars to help along the weight training and give as much assistance to the gym body ideal i so aspire to. I have often seen the guys ordering protein shakes during and post workout and finding they were lower in calories i decided to give them a go and feeling rather gung ho i ordered one on my way home today. I was a little wary since i do not like milkshake and really was not entirely sure i would find this at all palatable but on assurance it did not contain milk i was rather mollified and decided to try it.

BIG BIG MISTAKE!!!

I guess the nearest way i can describe the taste of this is to imagine buying a banana milkshake from Mcdonalds and drinking all but a large mouthful in the bottom. Fill up the cup with water and shake it hard until you have a watery cloying banana scum and then drink it. Yup thats exactly the taste and consistency, watery with a chemical banana smell yet sickeningly sweet and i found myself gagging on the first swallow. A lot of people seem to like these ‘shakes’ and although i have never had an overly sensitive gag reflex, gag i did. Oh my it was SO gross!!!

Did i throw it away?? Well actually no, as i said i am stubborn and this is actually good for me so there was nothing for it but to hold my nose and tip it down. 

For those of you that do not know a fair portion of taste is not actually down to taste at all but infact is down to smell. Holding your nose while eating or drinking something unpalatable makes it often almost tasteless, try it and see. Unfortunately for me i also am possessed of an excellent imagination and whilst i knew i could not taste it my overactive brain was happily recounting the experience for me and waving a large banner reading  ‘ THIS is what it tastes like’

Memories came of being a small child with my mother holding my nose and shovelling in some disgusting concoction whilst cooing at me to open up because it was good for me. Really? YOU eat it then!!

How ironic that now as a grown up i am more willing to swallow the unpalatable simply because of being told that it will be of benefit. You would think that after childhood experiences i would be possessed of a stubborn refusal to ever consume anything that i had great dislike for again yet consume it i did.

MMMMMMMMMMm banana flavoured dish water!!

Oh trust me this really had better be good for me. Somehow i think i shall develop an intense dislike for that curved yellow fruit but in the meantime bring on the protein shakes!!

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Men are from Mars

Men baffle me.

It really is that simple. Ironically then that most of my friends are male and although my relationships have tended to be of the few but long term variety i can still safely say that even still i do not understand them at all. Perhaps the writer of the above title was correct in their analysis that women and men are from entirely different planets and personally i could well believe this. 

Whilst i can only limit my observations to those men of both past and present acquaintances i can safely say that for the most part my encounters have led me to believe that men very often do not say what they mean and more importantly do not mean what they say. Certainly my experience has been that mostly men infact tend to say very little at all  leaving those poor literal folk like myself having to guess and write the script for ourselves, often very inaccurately indeed. Imagine the hapless mess of trying to write the script when you do not infact know the story!

Admittedly, for one so perceptive i am very aware that i can be very totally oblivious to those subtle signs that i am told i am meant to pick up on. That is not to say that i NEVER see them but often those times that i do will be those occasions when i most want things to be so.This then is when i tend to ignore them assuming my own desire to see such has made me imagine them entirely. Ironically blind in more than just eyesight i expect. The bigger irony is i was always led to believe that men were the more practical creatures of the two and certainly the more literal and less cryptic. Strangely this has not been my experience at all and i find the case is more that i am the more literal and blunt, leaving them in the reversed role of more cryptic and less obvious.

Perhaps this is where such extensive reading is not such a positive thing since, for the most part in any book, the male role is often portrayed as dominant, demonstrative and often even a little forceful. Never so much so as to be unappealing but rather just that soupcon as to make him appear dashing and manly. Never then is the female counterpart left in any doubt as to his thoughts and desires since he is most willing and often eager to enlighten her. Somewhat different in these modern times then when men seem so much less articulate, instead being rather more of the reticent variety and even of the downright dishonest. 

For my own part perhaps i am guilty of taking away the mystery of any given situation but i find i never would have made a particularly good Miss Marple, i just do not see the clues you see. I can well believe that there is also a flip side to this and the world over there are men abound saying exactly the same about women, they just do not understand them. Perhaps ultimately the trick is to communicate more and not to leave to chance being understood by the other person. I learned long ago that sometimes you just have to come out and say what you wish to and risk an undesired response rather than say nothing at all and forever be wondering.

What if. 

Yes men most definitely are from Mars and perhaps it is time i began to learn a little Martian.

The downside of weight loss

Yes its all been totally amazing, the pounds are melting off and i’m heading towards the body i always wanted. Whilst this is all so positive and the urge to hop up and down with delight there are however one or two downsides to getting slim…

1) You occupy less space in the bath therefore needing more water for a long soak. All well and good but in the end this costs more. I find i am somewhat of a mermaid, i love my bath and am not good at doing a quick paddle so i guess i shall have to live with the penalties.

2) You get to eat less and i mean a WHOLE lot less!! For someone with a raging sweet tooth like me this was pretty hard at first and the smaller you get the less you need to consume. Tragedy in itself when the purchase of a much loved Krispy Kreme Donut requires considerable deliberation and more often than not lands on the NO side of the argument. If ever you pass a Krispy Kreme and you see some woman with her nose pressed firmly against the glass then this will be me.

                      Image

3) You know the calorie content of almost everything in the supermarket and could quite happily win a series of Mastermind experting on the subject. Supermarket trips take twice as long as you scour the labels and manage a three minute mile past the bakery section. 

4)You suddenly find yourself looking like you are wearing someone elses clothes and feel a sudden need to run out and purchase vast amounts of belts while silently praying the sack look is in this season. You awkwardly become aware your trousers are too big right in the middle of a fast paced gym class as they begin merrily creeping down your hips. The rest of the class passes with you mentally praying ‘please dont fall down’ in time to the music.

5) You occupy less room on a bus seat and when that ‘oh no’ person boards he quite happily shoves himself on the seat next to you. Desperately praying please dont sit here does little to help and you suddenly wish you were not so slim after all. 

6) Cosy nights infornt of the tv and early morning lie ins are replaced with killer gym sessions and a mad desire to take off on very long walks whilst humming along tunelessly to your ipod. Missed gym sessions are accompanied by feelings of intense guilt and increased activity the next day. 

7) Chocolate becomes an alien concept

8) You suddenly find your vocabulary consists of far more utterances of the word NO than of the word YES.

9) You encounter strange lumps on your body and panic that you may be a member of an alien species.Only after much googling do you realise they are called ribs and hips and you spend considerable time prodding them in fascination. 

                           

10) You suddenly start feeling the cold and wonder if some arctic front has swept over the country without anyone telling you. Sitting down on hard surfaces becomes considerably less comfortable as your inbuilt seat cushion slowly dissipates. 

11) You find yourself looking at chicken fillets and push up bras and hold a remembrance service for your dearly departed bosom

12) You eat your vegetables without someone standing over you and telling you that you’ll grow big and strong if you do. Lettuce far from being something you feed to your pet bunny becomes a frequent visitor to your plate and you horror stuck hear your own voice uttering the word YUMMY as you eat it.

13) You find an odd desire to watch the adverts mostly because they are mostly calorie laden forbidden foods and then feel guilty for the mental ten pounds you put on whilst watching

14)  You stop biting your nails because you cant find anywhere on the internet that tells you how many calories are in them.

They say there is a flip side to everything and as the positive moments stack up so do the negatives. Perhaps it is only my own quirky take on life that leads me to see these things or perhaps i just need to peel my nose away from Krispy Kreme and go and eat one. Maybe a treat then when i reach my final destination but for now pass me the pineapple…..

Finally!!

If you’re a reader of my blog you will without doubt know of my weight loss and gym body journey. Most of you do not know that i started out 10 years ago weighing in at a hefty 284lbs which placed me firmly in the middle of the obese category as regards to BMI and wearing massive uk size 26 clothing.

I make no excuses for this, events i wish to keep private led me to need to be this way at that point in time. That is not to say i liked it, far from it but it served a purpose at the time. In hindsight i wish i had not abused my body so badly, it has taken a lot of hard work to return from that place and an older wiser me would have found a better way to achieve the effect. The plus side is i am so far from that person now as to totally appear to be someone else. These days i am a bit of a gym bunny and i do not care if i work until i throw up (and yes i have done this) but i fully intend to have that gym body and will do whatever it takes to get there. 

I guess the biggest change of all is being able to look in a mirror and not want to cry at the reflection looking back at me. Where once i would need to hide under oversized clothing now i know i am looking pretty good and can only get better and i find i can like the person looking back at me for the first time in my life. Today i weighed in and almost shrieked the house down when the scales settled at my lowest weight since i was 23 years old and more importantly i am now back into the NORMAL category for BMI. Yes me!! I am a normal weight for my 5ft10 height at at last. It seems hard work does pay off (thank-you weight training) and i really did want to scream like crazy and turn cartwheels on the front lawn. It might be a little helpful if i were actually ABLE to perform a cartwheel but you get the idea. Although i”m not sure what the neighbours would make of some crazy woman screeching and turning cartwheels in her pyjamas!!

114lb down since that fat girl 10 years ago and 7 dress sizes down!!

My journey is not over, i have a little way to go and am stepping up the weights and training to get there for i have a vision in my mind of how i want to look( Yes Jessica Ennis i want to look like you) and i WILL get there. But for now i can hop up and down with glee for at last i can shout out I AM HEALTHY!!!!

A Reason To Be Missed

Last night fighting sleep i was doing my usual channel hopping on the tv. I get this way quite often being really to tired to watch anything in particular but reluctant to actually turn it off but this time a programme caught my eye and i found myself watching avidly.

Truth be told it was actually a rather sad and upsetting programme and ordinarily i would have switched channels and avoided it but i found the people within it really captured me and kept me there long after i would have left and opted for sleep. The programme itself was about people who die alone and who are never discovered for quite some time and i watched in shocked disbelief as the varying tales unfolded. A 58 year old man was discovered last year after lying dead in his flat for two years, forgotten and unmissed by anyone. I’m a soft hearted soul anyway but this upset me greatly, how sad that this gentleman had been in a position where he had passed on and yet nobody noticed. How? 

Where were his friends?? Where were his family??

It seems he had neither, being rather reclusive in nature and this in itself is the saddest thing of all. I am sure i am far from alone in hoping that when my time comes i will leave behind people who will miss me,notice that i am gone and that i have in some way touched at least one person in such a way as to cause them to mourn my loss. I should feel i had lived my life very badly indeed if this were not the case. 

Worse still the story of an elderly lady who had lain dead in her flat for 5 years before anyone discovered her. 5 years!!! Who was this poor lady and why was she so alone? What on earth had caused her to come to such a tragic end? It seems nobody knew, neither the lady herself or anything about her. How horrific that a person can just vanish from the face of the earth and be unnoticed by a single living soul. How lonely an existence this must have been and my heart went firmly out to her yet i cannot imagine what it must be like to be so lonely and so forgotten. Perhaps though it is easier than we think to end up this way and she herself had never envisaged such an end to her life.

Still the tales came, some left for days, others for much longer periods of time and it seems it is far from a rare occurrence. So many people, all forgotten. One would imagine that this was limited to the poor and the elderly yet this was not so. People of all ages, sexes and both rich and poor all with the same tragic ending. I wonder if the blame lies with society itself for the less than community spirit that exists in this modern day world of ours or if ultimately the people themselves were at fault, dooming themselves in their very rejection of fellow human beings. This we shall never know but it definitely gives cause for thought and has altered my thinking rather a lot. My jest has always been that i should end my days being a crazy cat lady in a remote cottage in Wales but suddenly this does not seem such an ideal to aspire to. Perhaps a more fitting end of days should be my choice for i do not wish to be yet another statistic on the forgotten people list.

Time to be thankful then and hold on to those people who will notice if i am no longer here and work upon leaving behind me a reason to be missed. 

Reaching past the goal post

We all have goals, however big or small they may be we all have something in our lives that we want. Perhaps for some these are merely dreams, some seemingly far off aspiration or longing that deep down we long for but simply believe we will never achieve.

I am a dreamer.

It really is that simple. I have always been the whimsical sort with my head in the clouds and my head full of things i wish were reality, like some giant story book where wonderful things happen and everything turns out exactly how it was meant to. But I’ve never really turned these things into goals. Why? Again it is simple, i do not like failure and always have preferred to live with the illusion that i COULD have, if i had but tried rather than face the cold stark truth of failing. Perhaps the reality is true and not so much of an illusion at all but the flip side of this is far less palatable and not something i aspire to.

Recently though i find i have changed somewhat, Some new found glint of confidence prompts me to try the smallest of things just to see if i can get there and i hug my silent glee to myself when i find i have. More monumental of late the weight loss journey now far beyond the small goal i set for myself originally. Lose half a stone i told myself, mentally setting the goal post at a distance i had always set it at before, believing that this was as far as i was capable of going without failing. How wrong was i as the scales tipped 19lb down this week and still going, no sign of failure in sight and a distant dream creeping tentatively from my disbelieving head. Confidence then to buy a pair of much smaller jeans and hang them in full view as a never before believed goal to reach. 

I think often when you have always had nothing of consequence in your life you believe you are nothing and therefore you seek nothing more than to be what you have always been. Not for you the wild dreams of becoming someone that many people have and i put myself firmly into this category, lulled by the belief that this was my lot and i accepted it as such. But unexpectedly events so unlikely bring about a change and suddenly i find i am more than i ever dreamed i could be and with hopes of becoming more. Admittedly it took someone else to bring about this change and i find anothers confidence in me greatly compensates for the lack of my own.

I will always be a dreamer this will never change, for without them life would give me nothing at all to hope for. But the fact of the matter is life is just too short and we only have one chance at it. I should be desolate indeed were my end to come and my time be spent mourning the many things i wished i had done or said, the opportunities i had wasted because i was too afraid or self doubting to reach for them. I find i am not so loathe to fail as i once was for i know i can take comfort in the fact that i DID try and it just was not meant to be. 

But if at first i do not succeed, i will never regret that i tried. Suddenly those goal posts have widened and still i find i am willing to reach outside of them. 

Just reaching past the goal post 

When worlds collide

All of you who read my blog will no doubt have noticed my countdown clock with its gleeful announcement of an impending weekend with my little vampire. I have been excitedly counting down the days to a trip to London to see THE most special person in the world, my best friend Jay. Packing was done and undone,then done again. Clothes strewn across every single spare inch of space as i ummed and ahhed about what to take with me and changed my mind yet again.The result was probably far more than i needed but i am someone who likes to be prepared for every eventuality.

What can i say i’m a girl, this is the norm for someone like me!!

So Friday arrives and in true Amanda style i was at the station far too early, clutching my ritual coffee and determinedly forcing myself to sit in my seat in a composed and ladylike manner when all i really wanted to do was bounce up and down in my seat shrieking with glee. I behaved, i was most grown up and firmly squashed my inner child although the huge grin on my face would not be removed and a gentleman passenger rather startled beamed back at me, believing himself to be the recipient of it. 

Half an hour later i was cursing myself for not obeying my first instinct to get into the quiet zone as children ran screeching up and down the carriage, parents totally oblivious to the antics of their offspring. Increasing the volume on my ipod did little to drown out the noise and i willed the train to go faster and the parents to consider other passengers and curb the rowdiness. My eyes widened as i surreptitiously observed the family at the adjacent table, mother, father and three very young children, noting each time a child became overly noisy he would be handed food to quieten him which was very frequent. I was slightly alarmed at the copious amounts of food consumed by those small  boys and wondered perhaps if the parents could not have thought of a better way to occupy their children.

To say i was glad to leave the train was a little of an understatement and i thankfully hopped from it to the hustle and bustle of Clapham Junction. Here begins the culture shock for the town where i live is very sleepy and rural and the most uneventful of places, predominantly white and so totally removed from the multicultural rush, rush rush of the city. A dozen languages swirled around me as people rushed by totally aware of anyone else and all in such a hurry to be somewhere. A far cry from the slow pace in which i usually live i absorbed it all, watching in fascination as it all wove its way around me. 

I wonder if i was so very obvious, being such a fish out of water although i was far from lost. Trains are a part of my everyday life and to locate my connection was barely a second thought but i did wonder if my very ruralness stood me apart from those city dwellers around me. Were the second glances merely appreciative ones or did i really stand out as being an out of townie?? I shall never know although the woman in me would prefer the former. So as my connection rolled in and i scrambled with the rest to climb aboard i firmly crossed my legs and tried to ignore a pressing need for a bathroom. Of course i could have gone on the train but i was loathe to leave my luggage unattended and more importantly i was rather afraid of missing my stop.

Houses sailed by as fast as the miles and yes by now i was probably earning the label of tourist as my head turned in all directions taking it all in. So many high rise buildings!! Not a common sight where i live at all. Double decker buses and black cabs so alien a sight yet i felt such delight at seeing them and firmly decided that i was liking this lively place, a most welcome change from the slow moving day to day life i usually lead.

 As the train rolled into the station and i waited to alight i couldn’t help but think that we take our surroundings for granted and only really notice it when it is seen through the eyes of someone else. Do city folk see it as i did and feel such a child like excitement at such a carousel of activity.

I loved the whole time in the city, it really captured me, the whole vibrant rush of it and at the end, as i neared my home, i did wonder how city people would see the little town where i return to. Sleepy? Beautiful? I wonder what would you see??

Confessions of a Shopaholic

Yes i am a shopaholic!!

I neither deny this nor am ashamed of it for i love clothes and very much subscribe to the girlie desire in me to look attractive and even on occasion glamorous. That said you would never see me dressed like Barbie, nor for me is the current TOWIE look since i prefer a more boho classical look than overly fake and blinged. The only problem with this is that since most cupboards and drawers were so over crammed with clothing i could not see what was in there and rather than risk an avalanche, had been tending to wear the same small few items over and over.

Should auntie Gok ever come to my house he would have a fit and dedicate a whole series just to hauling my curvy butt into line!!

So i decided my very own makeover was in order and ruthlessly hauled everything out of all hiding places then ruefully surveyed the mini mountain dominating the room. Chances of getting out of there any time soon were minimal and with the aid of full length mirror i set about trying on and optioning my way through the lot. One pile to keep and one pile to get rid of. To my shame i cringed at how many things still had price tags on, being long forgotten in the depths of the tardis like wardrobe. Further still were many more worn only once then relegated to join its peers, to be forgotten until a day like today. 

I had actually forgotten just how many beautiful clothes i have but i forced myself to be sensible and keep only those which i knew i will wear. Of course i admit i still have far too many clothes but at least now i have kept the best and i will begin to wear them all. Twirling infront of the mirror in a very pretty dress made me more determined to ditch my older slob about clothes and make more effort to show off some of these  off for a change. 

So to the rest, and believe me this was a huge pile of clothes and took some time to sort but on the whole most of those i was parting with were either new and tagged or almost new so i decided ebay was the best place for them. I have done ebay many times before and always sold quite well so this seemed quite logical, that and the fact i have my eye on a new Charlie Bear and this could easily source the funds.

A whole day later and i had photographed and listed everything, the only down side to it is the sheer amount of time it takes to get the stuff actually on there. Still in this financial climate one cannot turn down the chance to add funds to the coffers nor yet a Charlie Bear to the collection. The object of my desire? Ah well his name is Kojak! 

                                         

I must admit it is rather exciting watching your auctions go up, holding your breath as the prices rise and you know all of that effort was worth it. Thankfully i am lucky i rarely have anything that doesn’t sell and i have had great fun checking in from time to time to update on the progress. I really do not think i could do this on a regular basis for the sheer amount of work from wardrobe to buyers hands is huge but every once in a while it really is worth it. 

So as the auctions roll their last few hours i yet again vow to stop buying clothes for i still could wear a different outfit every day for two months and never wear the same thing twice!! I mean it this time…..ermmmmm honest i do *blush*

I’d like to ask a special request of all my followers please spare just a minute to drop a postcard in the mail to this lovely inspirational lady and make her day. I would so much appreciate it if you could.

Playing the Game

Like many this week i have been glued to the tv watching avidly as events at the Olympics unfold. The patriot in me roots for my team as much as anyone around the world for who does not want to lend their support for those trying so hard to bring pride to their country. 

Perhaps though i am unusual or perhaps a little naive but support is the one thing that bothers me within the whole affair. Yes we are the home nation and by geographical design and resulting sheer force of numbers alone we have the greater support for our team. Those far larger countries have their share of support, being more noticeable at some events than others but it befalls those much smaller or poorer countries to be unfortunate enough to not have the following present that they deserve. 

Most noticeably tonight whilst watching swimming i had to smile at the huge roar greeting the British Olympians but then this quickly turned to a frown when the emergence of some other competitors brought near silence. As i said call me naive but this did not sit well with me at all and i am seriously of the belief that all who take part should receive accolade from the crowd as a whole. Every single one of those emerging and being introduced to the crowd should have received applause and cheers regardless of where they were from. Of course upon race start each nation will wish to cheer on its own for we of course wish our own to win but surely the sheer presence and actual  competing from those at the highest of their sport is worthy of equal recognition. 

I personally felt rather a lack of sportsmanship and camaraderie and should i have been fortunate enough to be there i should have clapped and cheered every single one of them just for giving us such an event to watch. Perhaps at some events we are better at this, those with names more famous therefore deemed worthy of support but myself i should like to see the same support for all no matter how big or small and regardless of country of origin.

After all it is ultimately all about playing the game.

Just because i can’t

Well today i decided to go into the next town and do some grocery shopping which is pretty rare for me. Usually i shop online for i detest supermarkets with a passion especially in the school holidays. Then the whole place will be packed with children running around and throwing the usual tantrum to persuade some harassed parent to purchase some greedily coveted item that they had no intention of buying until this moment. I am sure there are well behaved children out and about with mindful parents but never on the occasions when i venture into the vicinity. 

However today being no gym day i felt the need to get ample bottom moving and so opted to forgo the usual online saving grace and hop on the train and forage for myself. Yes, as i had predicted, the place was packed. Tearful wails from some departing child greeted my arrival as he was hauled roughly away by some potty mouthed parent who really should know better but clearly did not care. Standing patiently waiting for a congregation to move from the doorway so that i could collect a basket didn’t quite set my eyes rolling but i was a little annoyed that people are so unconcerned with their surroundings as to appear rude to those others around. Clearly most did not care that they were blocking the entrance and showed little sign of moving along until urged to do so by a hovering shop assistant.

So to my mission, now dieting so far has been reasonably easy since mostly i have stuck to online and only ordered what i knew i could have.Temptation limited to only colourful images on screen that are so much more easily dismissed.  Standing in a brightly lit colourful store full of goodies was another matter as the piped smell of donuts drifted past my nose and my stomach gave a most obliging growl. I adore donuts, hell who am i kidding i have a terrible sweet tooth and adore most any kind of sweet treat! Had i been naturally slim i would have at this moment been in heaven and gleefully planning what to buy but whilst mouth and stomach collaborated on a yes please vote, head emphatically vetoed this and refused. 

Oh trust me it just wasn’t the same marching determinedly towards the fresh fruit when honestly i just wanted to sit on the floor in the bakery and scoff jam donuts and pecan plaits. DROOL!! Just leave me here and come back for me later. i’ll be fine honestly!! 

I really do deserve a medal for being so stoic in the face of such adversity and even now am debating contacting The Queen and asking for special consideration. Marching around the rest of the store was little better as peanut butter and digestive biscuits both called my name and waved. Things i would never normally buy when not on a diet started hurling themselves from on the shelves in my direction chortling maniacally and daring me to resist. But i battled on with a fortitude worthy of Alexander The Great, bravely scattering all before me and defeating every foe.

Sausage roll was almost my undoing for this week i have been ruthlessly stalked by one wherever i went. Now pre diet were i to enter a bakery i should never buy a sausage roll, instead opting for a sandwich for my biggest weakness is definitely bread. This week however i have been stalked and fixated with a giant sausage roll that barely stopped short of wrestling me to the ground and wiping out any remaining will power. This phenomenon even took over my dreams and nocturnal adventures being chased by the giant pastry were abound.

BUT WHY???

Simple, because i cant have it!! How ironic is it that you never want something until you are told you can’t and then it turns into the most coveted thing in the world!! And so it was for me,for i would never dream of eating half of these things yet today i could have quite happily consumed the lot. Even those things as i am not so fond like chocolate cake would have quite happily been deemed edible by me at this point. 

Thankfully at this point willpower is still pretty strong but it was rather enlightening comparing my basket of saintly healthy food with the shoppers at the next checkout who clearly knew the meaning of the word indulgence! Still this has hardened my resolve to avoid supermarkets in future and hide behind my very safe from temptation laptop and the convenient world of online shopping. In the meantime i am seriously hoping this sausage roll will cease its amorous advances and leave me in peace. Oh to be slim!! 

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