Invasion of the bodysnatchers

Sooooooooo you’re all expecting a post about the movie right?? Some far out musings of a science fiction nature?? Alas i am afraid you are going to be very disappointed, no aliens (almost) , no sci fi, no mind blowing action. Just a panda who isn’t a panda today.

I have been body snatched. Seriously!!

Its not meant to be obvious, i  look the same and i sound the same but little things will start to give themselves away that i am not really me after all. 6.30am was the start of the clues when the real me would tumble out of bed, stagger in the direction of the scales which would be duly cursed at before heading for morning ablutions. Pretend me opened  one eye, semi registered the time of 8am (see a giveaway, late already) before pulling the covers over my head and burying my face in the pillow. I have no idea what pretend me has been up to for the battery tanks are totally empty and the fuel gauge flashing a warning red. Personally i think they had to replace me in a hurry and didn’t get time to do an overnight charge, everyone knows new electricals need a 16hour charge before use right??

At this point real me would be gaining inspiration from an episode of The Biggest Loser whilst downing breakfast and pre gym coffee but pretend me was still face down in the pillow daydreaming and refusing to move. At least they got one thing right for real me can’t ever go back to sleep once awake and nor it seems can replacement me. Score one on the design front then! Swiftly followed by yet another glaringly obvious mistake since by 10am real me would have transformed into gym ninja and be happily bouncing along the road to the blaring tunes courtesy of Lifehouse, already planning the two hour gym session and humming tunelessly. 

Poor imitation me (i think they shop at Poundland) is slithering from the bed into a heap on the floor and absently noticing a long lost shoe from my unusually floor prone position before crawling in the direction of the smallest room in the house. You’d think they’d have had a little more design etiquette and done away with this tiresome necessity but perhaps there just was no time. Two coffees later (another glaring error) and replacement me is nibbling half heartedly on a rich tea biscuit having skipped breakfast entirely and disinterestedly surveying the prairie outside my back doors and musing the possibility of pretending to be a pioneer for the day. Admittedly the neighbours might stare if i skip outside in a long calico dress and a bonnet and start hitching up a wagon but hey i’m bodysnatched right??

Too much of a giveaway?? Maybe.

So while the real me is killing up in some alien gym somewhere, my other self is floating around on the internet and wondering whether to volunteer to help out my alter ego with a spot of housework. She seems to be pretty tidy this other me so i decide to leave well alone until i am more familiar with the way she works after all if i am to be her i have to act like her right. Still she has quite a few photographs of some good looking guy on her computer which i would rather look at that do her housework if i am honest. Perhaps this bodysnatching thing might be fun after all!! 

I must be very careful and not do anything too out of the ordinary for her since this will be sure to be noticed. Common sense tells me that perhaps hiding out here for reconnaissance purposes will be most adviseable at this point in time so for now i am going to lay low and survey my position. Stay tuned for further installments on the invasion of the bodysnatchers and be alert for we are everywhere. You never know when we might come for YOU!!

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My life without me

Today i was shocked and saddened by the news that an ex colleague and friend had suffered a cardiac arrest. Thankfully due to some twist of fate he was in the right place at the right time and was very swiftly aided and ultimately it seems he is going to be fine. i guess the shock really is that by todays standards this gentleman in question is not particularly old, having not long since taken retirement and settled down to a long earned life of leisure and although it happens this was really not expected.

The loveliest of men always smiling and jolly and such a kind caring nature that my daughter and i long ago christened him ‘Papa Smurf’

It seems we none of us really face up to the fact that we are after all merely limited beings and that eventually whether sooner or later we shall all in the end shuffle off this mortal coil towards whichever end our beliefs may lead us to. Perhaps the saddest thing of all is that this failure to recognise our mortality means many of us just forget to live while we have the chance to do so. It may be that we are afraid or just that have we have forgotten how.

I, like everyone else, simply do not wish to imagine my life without me in it but reality bites and i have to accept the fact that i shall not always be here and life will continue to go on without me as inevitably it always does. Perhaps we all need to learn to live a little more like each day is our last, actually living the life we have rather than drifting with such total complacency and taking it all for granted.

I know Papa Smurf is so thankful he was saved, indeed he said so to all of us and for our part we know the world is far better a place with him in it. Get well papa smurf xxxxx

W. H. Davies

Leisure

WHAT is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare?—

No time to stand beneath the boughs,
And stare as long as sheep and cows:

No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass:

No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night:

No time to turn at Beauty’s glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance:

No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began?

A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

Shopping With a Difference

Whilst in most ways i am very unusual i think in some ways i am a very typical girl, i love to look nice and have far more clothes than even the average shopaholic needs. What can i say i adore dressing up and looking pretty! I do not own barely a single item of slob clothing and would die rather than be seen in sweat pants and/or a hoodie. It is all down to personal choice i truly believe people should dress as they feel comfortable and this for me is what does. 

So having lost almost 2st recently i was pretty sure i was going to have to clear out most of my clothing or drastically alter as much of it as i could. Replacing so much clothing really isn’t an option right now and although i am really loving being slimmer than i have in decades i had visions of overly belted in clothing and a ‘sack’ effect that really wasnt a look to aspire to. I was actually not looking forward to parting with my clothes for i really do have some beautiful things that really suit me and a lot of favourites that i am very reluctant to part with. Reality tells me it is no good keeping things that swamp me but this does not make it any easier. I have never considered myself materialistic by any shape of the word but still i cling tenaciously to my pretties. 

Heading upstairs last evening i decided it was time to try on absolutely EVERYTHING and salvage what i could and donate or ebay the remainder. No small task since trust me i seriously am not exaggerating the amount of clothing i have. The first thing that struck me was the amount of clothing either still with tags on or things that i knew i had never worn and so this rather large pile went on one side(a very large pile too). Old favourites in another and long forgotten items in another. Jeans were the first to go, i have dropped from a 16 to a 12 so i pretty much knew there was no hope of salvaging any of those without looking like i was wearing my fathers clothes. Saggy crotches and baggy bums are really not a good look and not one i wish to sport whilst i still have a say in it. Tailored trousers i knew i could alter within reason so the more fitted ones have been sorted for resizing and the rest joined the ‘out you go pile’ About now i was thanking my optimistic streak for i have quite a few size 12 jeans and trousers that had accumulated over the years as i told myself i would slim into them but never had until now. Chances of having to walk around in pyjamas greatly diminished by the discovery of this stash as the back of one wardrobe.

So then it was down to the tops, dresses and jackets and i rather longingly smoothed the front of a beautiful fitted cream lace dress with a stunning beaded neckline. I bought this from YUMI quite some time ago and typical me picked up a medium since it was the only size left and i had fallen so in love with it. Clearly too small it had hung in my wardrobe still with tags on for me to aspire to one day. I was pretty sure i still wouldn’t be able to get into it but decided to try anyway and my shock when it slid easily on was visible. I really couldn’t help the screech of delight as i dashed off towards the mirror for a bit of a reality check. It fit!! Not only that but it was if anything a little roomy round the waist but being slightly stretchy it didnt show and even if i say so myself it looked amazing. I am intending to post pictures of my weight loss journey on here when i reach my goal and will take a picture of this dress to show you all.

Item after item followed and shock and consternation as each fit as perfectly as the last and i finally realised why i had only ever worn such a small portion of my wardrobe. They simply never fit!! I had refused to acknowledge the fact that i buy clothing that is obviously too small or tight for me simply because i did not wish to address the fact i had put on weight. Where earlier i had imagined having to discard most of my items i was infact drastically expanding the amount of things i have to wear. The icing on the cake was definitely the little black dress!! For a very long time i would only go out in trousers and wear dresses over the top to hide my very ample bottom and never would i dare actually wear just the dress itself. Not any more!! My beautiful little black dress looks amazing with just it and a pair of tights like anyone else would wear and i really am in unknown territory here but oh do i love it!! 

 

I am still a way from my goal, at least another 10lbs i think since i am still far curvier on my hips and thighs than i want to be but i have come this far and have no intention of stopping. All those early mornings in the gym have paid off and i thank my determined nature for making me go even on those days when i was so tired i just wanted to crawl under my duvet. Watch this space dear readers for a transformation timeline will be coming sometime soon and i should like you all to meet my beautiful little cream dress in person. 

Last night i went shopping and it didnt cost me a penny since it was all in my own wardrobe!!