It’s official, im doomed. I’m going straight to hell on the back of Chris Rea’s motorbike, one way no stops, no collecting £200 as i pass go but going full speed down to hell.
It all began with a cheese sandwich you see. Now i know youre chuckling or thinking i’m mad but this really is serious stuff here. Hunting frantically through the fridge for something for lunch i had happily decided on tuna, you know that nice healthy fishy thing i eat a ton of. The trouble was i only get a very short lunch break and glancing at the tuna and then at the clock i concluded, after wondering just how fast i could chew, that there was no way i was going to be able to make the darned stuff and eat it too. Typically this just had to coincide with the day the supermarket was all out of my favourite roast ham so there was nothing else around.
Erm excuse me?
”I said…EAT ME”
Okay nobody believes me here but food really does talk to me, i mean do i look like a skinny person? But really it does and right about now a bag of grated cheese was flexing in my direction and urging me in a rather sexy drawl to eat him. I wavered..really i did and loyally glanced back at the tuna i know i should eat. I’m on a diet you see and i really do have to be good since i have had a few extra pounds donated my way of late.
ohhhhh really?? okay i crumpled..i was hungry and time was ticking by so i crumbled and gave in much to the smug delight of mr cheddar himself. Believe it or not i am usually quite resolute once i am on a diet and can lose the excess quite quickly and easily but i have this awful no mans land where i waver. If i am not in the zone it only takes a very small nudge at my resolve and i crumple to indulgent abandon.
I’m a typical Taurean what can i say? We love to eat, alas eating does not always love us back. Many a battle with the scales will follow although in definitely much more on the winning side than i used to be. Still i did feel rather terrible giving in to the lure of the cheese and hastily smothered the urge to turn into Britney Spears and skip around the kitchen singing Oops i did it again. Of course i shall now feel terribly guilty for the rest of the day, never eat again and eventually die of total shame.
So there you have it. One minute i think im safe in my nice little kitchen and then one random act sends me hurtling to the underworld on a cheese coated road to hell. They say you are what you eat and i dont know how true that is but if it is so then the next thing i eat will be a skinny person.
Ah well nice lettuce, lovely lettuce….come to mama!