Traditionally on cue the January depression sets in and in the wake of blue Monday i cannot help but notice in my social media circles the downward spiral into negativity. People try to buoy their mood with a never ending stream of positivity quotes that seem to have little effect but at least feel like a step in the right direction. I myself have never been the type to publish my personal life upon these platforms for all of the world to see and scrutinise but many, it seems, have little or no qualms about doing so. Breakups , arguments and deaths, marriages and births all displayed in eternal glory upon the ever scrolling page of that Social media book we call life. Yet it seems of late these have all been of a less than happy bent as the stream of status’ upon my page become daily less and less of a upbeat nature.
I have to admit that ,whilst i should not like my own sedate little life open to public scrutiny, i often have had to smother a giggle at the less than discreet antics of those of my acquaintance. Perhaps accessing social media whilst intoxicated or angry isn’t always the best idea as i have been witness to many an ‘oh no’ moment as the newly sober or calm discover with horror their public announcements and cringeworthy ‘selfies’ . It seems that many have no qualms about laying open their whole world to the very public gaze of the world at large and i find i often get to know more about some people by accident than i should otherwise choose by design. Whilst i publicly acknowledge i have a partner and have occasionally published the odd photograph of us together, i should never wish to share the personal details of my relationship with the world at large. Yet most it seems are happy to share their oevery thought deed and word with all who should care to see.
Sad often though when these announcements that pass my cursory glance are of loss or regret and today the postings of an acquaintance led me to ponder anew our personal relationships. People break up. It is a fact of life that those who were once so compatible and enamoured of each other can, for various reasons, experience a total about face of those all consuming feelings. But why? What happens to change two people so much beyond recognition that it totally obliterates everything that came before. After watching and reading for a very long time it seems there is a long recurring theme that seems present in most if not all of these situations.
We forget to appreciate what we have.
‘If only’ , ‘Why didn’t I?’, ‘ I should have ‘, ‘I wish I could turn the clock back’
I expect it is a rare one of us who hasn’t uttered one of those immortal phrases at some point in their lives, i know i certainly have. Idly daydreaming and pondering the lady in question’s postings this morning i recalled a quote I had seen recently that stated
You are never more in love with someone than at that moment you realise you have lost them.
Sad but true for the most part. Perhaps it is just that in the daily grind of our lives we forget to remember what it was that made us form these relationships in the first place and in turn appreciate them for that very reason. I myself have had past experience of this more than once and I recall a long distant relationship ending on particularly heartbreaking terms as my then partner tried in vain to hold on to the tatters of the dying relationship. It is so very hard to listen to someone promise to change and beg for yet another chance but sometimes things have just gone so far as to be past saving.
”It’s too late” i had stated firmly at the time, determined not to crumble as usual and give in. The painfully sad part is that it actually was and yet for the lack of effort and appreciation it need not have been so.
Perhaps i should be flattered that i will always be somebody’s regret. Wouldn’t we all secretly like to think that we are? Perhaps that lady’s partner should also feel the same but instead of feeling flattered the truth is you cannot help but just feel a little sad. Sad that for lack of effort and a little appreciation for what you have, a good relationship should disappear down the waste disposal of life, never to be seen again. I cannot help but feel for the lady in question as i read the endless messages she publicly posts for the man she is losing. Pride it seems is nowhere in sight as she figures she has little to lose since she has already lost everything she never knew she wanted. Perhaps he will relent and realise himself that what they had is worth more than he at first thought, or perhaps it is again just another classic case of ‘just too little too late’.
Life will never change the way it is. People live, people die. Relationships are formed and relationships will end. Such has always been the way of the world. But perhaps where life cannot change, we infact can. Instead of letting things fall by the wayside perhaps we stop and consider the fact that in our endless search for all we ever wanted we may actually have some of it already. You may never be more in love than when you have lost that someone but does it actually take a breakup to realise it? I often laugh at the memory of an old friend’s view on relationships.He likened it to an old comfortable pair of slippers. It is so easy to be tempted by a pretty new pair but it is only after purchase that you realise the new pair does not suit you at all and you wish you had back the old ones.
”They’re broken in you see and you get attached to them” he explained sheepishly
Perhaps its just a male explanation but i get what he was trying to say. Sadly another post has appeared in my eyeline and it seems for the time being the lady is not meeting with any success and i cannot help but feel sad for her and yet also for him. Perhaps being the comfortable pair of old slippers isn’t so bad but feeling like them clearly is.