Ah if only life was so simple!!
6.30am and Sheryl Crowe is ringing in my ears while I do my best to rather tunelessly keep up with the song.
”If it makes you happy..it can’t be that baaaaaaaaad, if it makes you happy, then why the hell are you so sad” I screech merrily whilst the coffee machine buzzes in the background. The cat looks at me in disgust before wandering off to sit by the door, awaiting freedom for a mere 5 minutes before she suddenly decides that she doesn’t want to be out there after all.
If it makes you happy.
I have to wonder why life is so complicated. You never think it is as you go about your daily grind but the truth is we’re mostly programmed to do things that we really don’t want to. We groan loudly on a Monday morning as we haul our protesting bodies into clothes that we would never usually wear, before leaving on a commute that we should never undertake if we didn’t have to. Work. Really, would anyone ever go if they really had a choice?
Of course not.
We’re programmed you see, nice obedient little robots, trained to do the expected and brainwashed enough to consider consequences should we fail to do so. But does it make you happy? What if one day you just woke up and said ”I don’t want to do that today, or that, or that”
Well I guess for one you’d get the sack and starve is the answer. Then there’s the guilt. That little voice inside your head that pokes and prods, reminding you of what you should be doing. Intruding on any attempts to do anything at all that you’re not pre- loaded to do. Sometimes I imagine in my head what it would be like to just say no every time I had to do something I didn’t want to. A day in my life where I refused to go to work, where I avoided the bus and wore clothes that I knew I really shouldn’t be wearing that day. One day to not do what is expected of you but instead to rebel and do exactly as you pleased. No no NO!
BUT THAT’S WHAT WEEKENDS ARE FOR!!
Somebody said this to me once and I remember raising my eyebrows and saying ‘Really?’ Am I the only one that spends a weekend rushing around juggling washing and cleaning whilst trying to fit in a trip to the dreaded supermarket? Sunday afternoons spent in exhaustion staring zombie like at the TV because I haven’t the energy to do any more. Weekend PAH!! Somewhere in all this chaos you need to find time to have a relationship which, trust me, can be challenging at times. I envy those people who make it all look so easy. So balanced that they spend the weekend eating out and planting pretty flowers in the garden. A decaying Jasmine plant lurks by my front door giving testament to the fact that I am definitely not one of those people.
I guess I just have to find a balance. My options to either wait until I retire ( currently around the age of you’ll be too old to enjoy it) or I need to land myself a lottery win and pay someone to do all the things that I don’t want to.
If it makes you happy..it can’t be that bad.
But it is!! Honestly!
Do more of what makes you happy. Life is for living. Live for the moment.
All those ra ra ra quotes that appear in google when I type in the word happy. None of these tell me how to get somebody to go to work and clean the house for me whilst I go and sit on top of a hill reading a book! Time intrudes in the form of the most annoying alarm tone in the world. My brain whirrs into ‘you have to go to work’ mode and automaton that I am I’m already mentally laying out my uniform. Careful makeup to hide the sleep deprived bags under my eyes. Chewing mindlessly on, well I can’t remember what I ate for breakfast. Suddenly the cat decides that actually she does want to be outside after all.
Car horns toot, rain drizzles steadily and the bus is late as usual.
If it makes you happy, it can’t be that bad. Does not compute, does not compute.