Avoid getting wet

As anyone who lives anywhere near me will tell you, today it rained. I expect it was the same for much of the country but when i say it rained i mean it came down in sheets, really heavy torrents of rain. Having already got a soaking on the way home from the gym i pretty much hoped that was it for the day and since i had the dentists this afternoon i knew i had no choice but to go out. Dear daughter number one duly piped up and volunteered to accompany me and i was happy enough of the company. 

So 3pm and the sun has disappeared but the sky remains dry as we ventured off into town and the dreaded event awaiting me. Actually it wasn’t too bad but just as we emerged a very darkened sky burst showering us with big, fat, cold raindrops and no chance of shelter. My hooded coat was still drying out back at home so i was stuck with second hoodless one and pretty much fathomed i was going to get wet.Cue internal shrug and  an air of ‘oh well’.  As the rain continued to pour rivers began running down the streets matching the ones running down my hair and into my neck and puddles already remaining from earlier began to reach larger proportions causing us to hop over them.

I actually wasn’t that concerned but dear daughter who had sadly decided to wear ugg style boots was now squelching along complaining loudly. She doesn’t realise but she is actually very funny when getting cross which she does very easily and loves to complain. If dear daughter is not happy then you can be sure EVERYONE will know about it. So as we hurried along i was trying desperately to hide a smirk as dear daughters complaining turned into a rant. Now anyone who has seen the cartoon Dastardly and Mutley and seen Mutley when he gets cross will easily envisage what i mean. A non stop stream of loudly muttered complaints and curses, freely decorated with bouts of sarcasm and you could almost see the dark cloud glowering above her head.

Me?I laughed. I trudged along soaked to the skin with rain running down every free space and i laughed. The more she ranted the funnier i found it which didn’t go down too well and in mild temper she started to stamp her feet hard which given the way people walk in ugg style boots reminded me of a duck and made me laugh all the harder. Of course this only resulted in her stomping into a really deep puddle totally soaking any part of her that wasn’t already wet. So this how we got home, she and i, her glowering and ranting and me laughing so hard i could hardly walk. I have no doubt she did not intend to be funny but oh, she was. 

Of course i am nice and on reaching my home i did give her dry shoes and socks and placate her with coffee but something tells me that in future it might be a good idea to avoid getting dear daughter wet!!

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The tales that grown-ups tell

When i was young i believed everything grown ups told me, well you do when you’re a child dont you? Thinking back it made me chuckle at some of the things they would tell us just to get us to do as they wanted and i just had to write them down. These are some of mine, how many can you remember?

 

WHEN THE ICE CREAM VAN PLAYS MUSIC IT MEANS THEYRE SOLD OUT

Oh yes i believed this one until one day i saw the ice cream van roll up merrily playing music and the kids from over the road all ran out to buy some. Of course i never told anyone when i was young because you can bet for sure they’d all have laughed but you have to admit its a pretty effective way of getting out of buying lots of expensive ice cream cones!!

IF YOU SWALLOW AN APPLE PIP YOU’LL GROW A TREE IN YOUR TUMMY

Yes you guessed it i believed this one too! I remember once accidentally swallowing a pip and being terrified i was going to turn into a tree. I was way too scared to tell my parents, i thought they would yell at me and then dump me in a forest until i grew there. Okay so i admit i was rather small and i did have a very active imagination but even now i look back and chuckle.I saw an advert on tv a few years back and one of the catchphrases was…i want to be a tree and it made me laugh because it reminded me so much of apple pips.

EATING SUGAR WILL GIVE YOU WORMS

I will never know where this one came from, maybe it was some 70s idea of getting kids not to eat too much sugar. When i was small i had a terrible habit of wetting my finger, dipping it in the sugar pot and eating it or sneaking sugar cubes from my grandparents sugar bowl and hiding under the table to eat them. Sugar sandwiches, the staple diet of every 70s child and we loved them although the idea of them now makes me cringe. But then suddenly granny starts telling us that eating sugar gives you worms! I have never dropped a sugar cube so fast in my life yet at the same time gruesomely fascinated with the horrible thought of having a tummy full of wriggly little monsters.Effective though right?

SMELLING DANDELIONS MAKES YOU WET THE BED

Another one from granny! Like most kids i used to love and sit on my grandparents lawn and make daisy chains and one time when i was feeling particularly lazy i decided that if i made them from dandelions it would take half the time.Logical right? noooooo granny snatched them out of my hand and told me dandelions make you wee the bed. I’ve never scrubbed my hands so much in my life and spent the whole night too scared to sleep incase i wet the bed!!

IF THE WIND CHANGES WHEN YOU PULL A FACE YOU’LL STAY LIKE IT

Another one from mum this time. Admittedly on every car journey my brothers and sisters and i would be kicking each others ankles and jabbing our elbows into each others ribs complaining loudly that ”HE’s taking up too much ROOM” eventually this would drive my mom crazy and she would tell someone off and then the face pulling behind the seats would commence. Always brought to a head by a sharp warning from mother that if the wind changed we would stay like it and we were never entirely convinced that it wasnt true so the face pulling never did last long.

IF YOU TELL ME THE TRUTH YOU WONT GET INTO TROUBLE

Really? oh okay then it was me!! HMMMM yes i fell for this one too. Okay as a grown up i hate lies and firmly believe in telling the truth except in extreme circumstances but as kids, well we lie right? So mom and dad come up with the above line to persuade little johnny and betty to tell the truth. It works at first because a child will clutch at any lifeline to get out of trouble but kids are pretty savvy and this one really doesnt last long. Not going to get into trouble? okay mom pull this one now!

I remember these little tales my elders told me and i’m sure there are many more i’ve forgotten. How many do you have??

sense and sensibility

I’ve always prided myself on being reasonably intelligent and pretty perceptive in the scheme of things but  so often things just seem to end up with a giant sized spanner in the works. I wonder if perhaps i’m as perceptive as i like to think i am or whether im just some kind of cockeyed eternal optimist residing in a fantasy land borne of too many hours with my head firmly in some novel. I love the escapism of books, even when everything goes so wrong it always seems to have an unerring way of becoming right at the end and if i could get life to be this way i would quite happily white water raft my way down the rapids of trials and tribulations sent my way, knowing that a different ending was in sight when i sailed my way to the bottom. As usual things have crawled their way out of the pages of my book and slithered under the table to be trampled on by a never ending stream of feet as the comings and goings of life carry on their merry way and i never was any good at putting pages back together, i have no idea how  nor even if i want to carry on reading the story. So perhaps a new book is in order and a very big book this time, one i can hide behind and only look out from beyond the pages when i know nobody is trying to see who this girl is and what she’sImage reading. Because its a secret now and in all things perhaps it is wisest to let sense and sensibility prevail