Austen-tatious

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I know myself to be far from alone this weekend being totally immersed in the screening of Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice, sighing wistfully as the knee weakening Mr Darcy bestows on the most beautiful Elizabeth Bennet ‘THE look’  A tale much loved by me in both literary form and the visual adaptations which duly followed, i find myself drawn once again into the romance and propriety of Austen’s world with all the ease of donning a favourite cosy cardigan. I am a most old fashioned girl in all things pertaining to matters of the heart but also find great appeal in such decorum and wealth of manners and believe i should have felt most at home in this earlier period of time. Oh how very wonderful to be wooed by some dashingly handsome man emanating respect and to be duly afforded such correct behaviour as was my right. So very far removed from most gentlemen of my acquaintance today, and i hesitate to call them gentlemen, who are more likely with great ribaldry to request that i display some area of my anatomy for the entertainment of all present. So appealing too, those so articulate and eloquent, an art which these days i find is very much on the decline and the talent of conversation and wit is severely lacking in all but a few. Perhaps i move in the wrong circles having neither connection nor fortune to move in a society above my own but this does not prevent me from longing for the stimulation of intelligence and decorum that seems doomed to be lost in a bygone age. Little wonder women the world around sigh disconsolately and  take solace in a world so very far removed from our own. And forgive me if, just for a short while, i  join the ranks and submit to the smoulderingly charismatic charms of the irrepressible Mr Darcy.

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who do you think you are

We spend our lives surrounded by people, everywhere all around us interacting yet solitary, dimly aware yet so absorbed in our own lives we take little notice of those around us. I like to people watch, i have a strange curiosity about the people around me and i often wonder who they are and where they are going as they rush along oblivious in their own daily lives. The old lady, face screwed up, bent almost double as she battles the wind and rain clutching a battered old shopping bag to her chest. You can see she doesn’t like the rain, her very haste and whole aura of distaste make it very plain as she forges on and tries to hurry just that little bit faster. Where is she going? does she have a doting husband waiting patiently for her return,missing his companion, glancing now and then at the clock to anticipate her return  or does she return to a home silent but for the cries of a ragged looking tabby pacing anxiously by the door. The workman, lunchbox under one arm walking rapidly and purposefully towards his destination, glancing neither left or right in his desire to get out of the cold. He’s less obvious in his distaste but nonetheless you can tell he wishes he was somewhere else. Is there a wife bustling around making dinner whilst children watch with noses pressed to window, waiting to hurl themselves at him as he crosses the threshold or does he return to a darkened house and a meal for one, to take early to his bed unable to bear the solitude for too long a time. The child, oblivious to anything but the pure glee of splashing with reckless abandon through puddles of muddy rain, pulled along by a mother desperate to get home and not inclined to linger like the child. Does he go home to be smothered in a warm towel before perching on a chair, heels swinging, to await the return of rain sodden family members complaining loudly in a clamorous throng about the weather and the journey home or maybe its is not his mother after all and he will not infact see a parent until long after he has retired for the night, greeted only by a perfunctory kiss on the sleeping childs forehead.

And then i wonder if someone else is watching in me and wondering who i am and where i’m going. I try to see myself from the outside and wonder what i would think of me if i were them. Do they see me? Do they know that i dont mind the rain and am in no hurry to get to my destination. Do they notice that i watch them and wonder at their daily likes or maybe notice the small skip around a puddle and think that some recent event has made me want to share a happiness with the world. Do they know that im the one that goes home to the meal for one but later greeted by the family members bewailing the english weather. I wonder what they see when they look at me, do they even see me at all??

Facebook, Jeremy Kyle and a whole lot of laundry

Rare for me, since Saturday mornings usually find me wearing myself out in my local gym, i spent today watching morning television whilst cruising the internet. Like many I have a Facebook account although unlike most I do not really bother with it overly. I find i much prefer the less personal realms of the Twitter world. I tend to be a pretty private person and I am not so awed at the thought of millions of people knowing all of the inner workings of my life. Yes clearly I blog, but blogging is less invasive and I am very careful about those things I choose to reveal to my readers. 

Whilst I am very happy in my relationship and love my boyfriend dearly, I  for one do not wish to publicise the inner workings of my life with him for the whole world to see. Although I am not above displaying for the Facebook world some uncontained burst of happiness for the most part I tend to keep my private life to myself. Not so my friends and acquaintances it seems for, as i scrolled my news feed with one eye on a heated debate on TV’s Jeremy Kyle show, I was a little surprised at some of the statuses.

One side of a couples argument. For everyone’s amusement the woman is visibly making vicious comments about her partner. Friend’s jumping onto the one sided bandwagon adding to the general nastiness with little or no idea of the facts or whether any of it was at all true. Another ‘friend’ publishing intimate medical information about herself regardless of the fact that the whole world can see and comment upon this yet they do not seem to care.

Scrolling further down i see more personal information, a phone number and yet another status spewing spite towards some faceless unnamed individual. Again this person has had the foresightedness not to reply and draw themselves further into the deluge of venom directed their way. Such things amaze me for I have always been taught and am a big believer in the saying

‘If you cannot say anything nice then do not say anything at all’

As the TV continues to drone in the background my attention shifts again to the now furiously arguing couple upon the screen and i cannot help but wonder..WHY?? Are we as a species so desperate for our five minutes of fame that we would resort to airing our dirty laundry in public and ultimately setting ourselves up for ridicule as a result of this? Do those people on screen or even on Facebook stop for one moment to consider just how they appear to other people? Perhaps they simply do not care and again i find this difficult to comprehend. 

It seems with the advent of more and more advanced technology, there are many of us content to be drawn into the fantasy of the online world. In our attempts to be modern and popular we are content to broadcast those facts about ourselves that would have seemed so scandalous when whispered behind twitching curtains decades before. Perhaps  things have changed and what was once so socially unacceptable is now simply considered the norm in today’s society. There is little doubt that, given the presence of many such shows as that of Jeremy Kyle, we are much more voyeuristic in nature than we once were. We watch avidly as the dysfunctional and the desperate bear all to a viewing public of millions and in many cases pass judgement where, in their place, we should not like to receive it. 

So sad a world when the misfortunes and distress of other people are considered a form of entertainment for others and for the most part i refuse to watch. I cannot feel anything but sadness and sympathy for those poor souls drawn to solve their problems in such a way. Me? I think I shall continue to keep my private life to myself, even my friends and family are not privy to events within my relationship with my boyfriend and perhaps as a woman I am unusual in this. It seems the norm to share with friends those occurrences, arguments and happy times within your intimate relationship but for myself I prefer to keep those things between he and 

Dirty laundry? Personally I think i shall forgo my five minutes of fame and keep mine firmly in my laundry basket!! 

VW525EFYWZWD

Wishing for the moon

Come on lets face it when was the last time you sat down, looked around and smiled because you were happy with what you have? How many times have you been guilty of saying i want? Most of us are so guilty of perpetual ‘i want’ ing that we forget to look at what we actually do have we merely spend our times thinking of all the things we do not. For many that long road from where we have been and where we are now is so long that we forget how to look back along it and remember the journey and the achievements along the way and ultimately celebrate them. A recent quote i read was perhaps most apt and fitting at this point merely stating

‘Appreciate what you have, for if you do not then you can be sure somebody else will’

I have been told i am an unusual woman and perhaps this is so since i will never ask anything of anyone that they do not freely give and whilst i have dreams and aspirations like anyone else i am also mindful to be happy with what i have. If it comes down to a choice between pushing for more when it is not freely offered, risking losing everything, or being grateful that i actually have it in the first place then i will always take the latter option. Perhaps the trick is to remember, especially in respect of relationships, how things were before you had that person who means so much to you and ask yourself do i really want to go back to how i was before? Anyone who loves someone would always answer with a resounding no, of course not and why would you.

Yet despite all this so many are so willing to do exactly that and throw away everything that makes them happy just upon that quest to demand more than is already given. I guess for the most part you do not know what you have until it is gone and often once lost it cannot be retrieved. Perhaps then we would all do as well to sometimes remind ourselves of what life would be like without all the things we have. It never hurts to count your blessings every once in a while, even if you forget they are blessings, for one thing you can be sure of is someone else would value and want what you do not.

Yes an unusual woman i may be but also one who has spent a lot of time waiting for things to appreciate to come along. I can see clearly along my road no matter how long it gets and never will i take for granted those happy things  that make me smile. Offer me things freely and i am often wise enough to take them but never will i ask for them for myself. When you have what you’ve always wanted you do not throw it away trying to get something better for the grass is never greener on the other side it is merely a trick of the light. Never be guilty of crying for the moon to the point that you forget to live in the here and now for you might find one day that here and now is exactly where you wish you were.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing, but all the better when you do not need it. 

How Brief an Encounter

She paused in the doorway self-consciously smoothing down the unaccustomed skirt as though to make it longer than it actually was. Her toes curled in the unusually high new shoes as she nervously toyed with the clasp of the small bag she clutched to her like a shield before squaring her shoulders and surveying the gloomy little room. Blue eyes narrowed slightly in defence against the thick smog of cigarette smoke which assailed her yet she resisted the urge to waver in her composure and cough furiously as she would have liked to have done. She had attracted attention now as more than one pair of eyes turned in her direction, one slightly more lecherous in amongst the appreciative glances and she again felt the slightly uncomfortable awareness of the lack of length to her skirt.

Again her gaze swept the room, this time a little more apprehensively for she had imagined she would be able to pick him out more easily than this but none of those within seemed to fit the description she had of him. Too old, too fat, too lecherous. No none of these fit the bill and she momentarily considered leaving before an almost imperceptible movement from the corner of the room drew her gaze to amused dark eyes surveying her with interest. A wry twist to the mouth told her he knew of her discomfort and was amused by it, was she so obvious that this was the first time she had done this? She sighed heavily, were it not for the money she should never be frequenting a place such as this but circumstances had left her with no other option and nowhere else to turn. 

‘Come on girl you can get through this’ she told herself and a long lost sense of courage raised itself to the fore and bolstered her with a bravado she really did not feel. Pasting on a smile she walked slowly across the room, aware of the eyes upon her, not only the dark ones facing her but also from those she briefly passed. Dismissively she chose to ignore the smiles aimed at her and focused her attention upon the man she approached, she just wished he would smile! Anything to ease her nerves and calm the heart hammering so loudly in her chest. She prayed silently that he could not hear it as she reached his side and swallowed uneasily before summoning a smile. The amused expression deepened and he motioned her to the chair before him inviting her to sit which she gladly did before her shaking legs became obvious to him. A voice that melted her insides offered her a drink and she gratefully accepted, her glance sweeping his glass already half empty. Whisky she surmised, or brandy. No definitely whisky, he seemed the type for it. 

Regarding him over the rim of her glass she swallowed a mouthful feeling the liquid fire hit her empty stomach making her draw her breath in unaccustomed surprise. 

”Did you bring the money?”

Again that wry smile as the dark eyes laughed at her discomfort but he reached slowly into the inside of his jacket producing the envelope which he proffered in her direction. A man of few words she mused thoughtfully as she reached for it but he held onto it for just a second too long making her composure falter once again. She flushed her shame that financial gain had brought her here wondering for not the first time if she were really doing the right thing. Need won out and she dropped the envelope decisively into her bag snapping the clasp firmly shut before sliding forward in her seat and placing her palm upon his thigh. 

His eyebrows raised at the blatant action but he said nothing, merely watched as she met his gaze from beneath lowered lashes. Her eyes lowered to his lips and she licked her own, the tell-tale gesture the only indication of the direction her thoughts were taking. He grinned triumphantly knowing his desire to kiss her was reciprocated before standing and holding out his hand to her indicating it was time to take this further.

”So darling” he chuckled softly ” How was your day? Shall we go and buy those carpets” 

True Romance

Anyone who knows me will know that i am really not one to take particular notice of events in the media but today one particular story really did catch my eye. A Canadian dentist named Sandy Crocker has travelled 8,000km to try and track down a young woman he  met for just two minutes ( yes you read that right) last summer. The lovestruck Mr Crocker was holidaying last year in the beautiful Irish town of Ennistymon when he spotted the Irish beauty at a cafe where he and his brother stopped for lunch.

Not wanting to interrupt her meal he waited until she had finished eating before approaching her and asking directions to the local cliffs but did not pursue the matter further since he was leaving town the next day. However it seems Cupid had other plans for our handsome dentist and after her departure the arrow struck home leaving him changing his mind and desperately needing to find her. In true romantic hero style he and his brother desperately searched the town and cliffs but could find no trace of the woman who had captured his heart. I defy any woman not to melt at the thought of making that much of an impression upon a man, for don’t we all wish we could?

Back home it seems Cupid really was not wiling to let this one go and our poor hero could not get his princess out of his thoughts, so much so that he decided upon a whim to remake that eventful journey and try once again to find her. Our gallant hero does not even know the name of his lady and has only the description of ‘mid to late 20’s, freckles and reddish brown hair’  but is determined to give himself every chance to find her. 

So as the world holds its breath and waits to see what fate has in store for the smitten Canadian you cannot help but wish for a happy ending and hope that he does indeed find the woman for whom he went to so much effort. It seems in this case at least there is such a thing as love at first sight and romance is definitely not dead. Definitely the stuff of romance novels and surely the utmost in compliments, i for one will definitely have my fingers crossed. I would not be so much of a woman if i were not so easily swept away by a little bit of true romance.

Sandy Crocker may you find your girl.

Do you miss me

Do you miss me when i’m gone, do you long to be beside me

Do you call me for no reason than just to hear my voice

Do you miss me when i’m gone? Do you dream that we’re together

And know that here is where you’d be if you only had a choice

Do you miss me when im gone, if you do then do i know this

Have you taken time to tell me or think that i should know

For i find when i’m without you things just really arent the same

So i had to let you know, that i miss you when you’re gone

Written by Smilesalot1969 aka Lilyflower- 2001

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