How to have a happy New Year……….or not!

                        k179_christmasfat

So Christmas time has come and gone and with it all the hustle bustle and weeks of planning. January settles into somewhat of an anti-climax that leaves you sitting amongst piles of discarded wrappings gloomily wondering ‘Now What?’  Dismally we prod our post christmas weight gain and vow resolutely to sign up for the gym and turn ourselves into body beautifuls, quit drinking and therefore become wonderful people. Right?? 

Pretty much! Prodding my own post christmas tum, i have happily christened it my food baby and only the expected January diet has prevented it from growing into a full blown toddler complete with requisite tantrums. Actually in all honesty i’m exaggerating just a teensy bit here since Christmas weight gain was less than 2lbs despite eating enough for a family of 5. Someone up there must like me just a tad and i sent up a silent thankyou to those in the know as i wriggled into my size 10 dress. Partner in crime (twiglet boyfriend) is still bemoaning non existent stomach on the slimmest mans frame i’ve ever seen thus making us the most typical examples of New Years Resoluters going. Out of the window went any thoughts of portion control and to my shame i really did go on a see-food diet!! 

Lack of sunlight has robbed me of my lovely summer glow and my customary winter milk bottle skin blends me in to the bleak winter landscape, saved only by a splash of scarlet lipstick in total defiance at conformity. As is traditionally expected i sat, pen poised, ready to make my new years resolutions and winced as i automatically trotted out the age old ones written down by the population en masse. 

1) Lose weight (ah the old classic)….hmmmm i’ve been doing that most of 2012 and have very little left to go so we can pretty much scrap that one after march!!

2) Go to the gym ( but of course!)…. but ditto here too since i went most of last year, i just need to go back post christmas so lets scrap that one too!

3) Become best selling author and churn out books like post it notes. Okay maybe a little optimistic here but i have vowed to actually finish my book this year…..honest!! I just need a title, a plot, some characters and a beginning! Easy!!

4) Become total genius in 6 short months and make multiple appearances on Mastermind thus leading me to be invited to a dinner party with Stephen Hawking and other intelligent beings of note…

5) Become multi- lingual and annoy people by pretending to be from Sweden. 

6) Ride my bike without holding on to the nearest passing lorry, abiltity to turn corners would also be an advantage here so vow to work on that. Might consider removing stabilizers by Easter if progressing well.

7) Stop giving my wrinkles names and marking their progress off on height charts!

8) Learn the calorie content of every food on the planet thus saving large amounts of time in the supermarket. On the subject of supermarkets i will only slide down the aisles on my trolley when grouchy shop assistants aren’t looking

9) Will resolve to improve my aim when throwing stuffed missiles at rival team aka gorgeous boyfriend. Will also learn to duck faster thus scoring more points.

10) I will stop buying shoes since i have over 50 pairs and chances of ever leaving my room are being greatly diminished weekly. Maybe we’ll just tactfully ignore the 4 pairs i’ve bought since christmas *cough*

11) Buy new pyjamas and throw away ‘big enough for three people’ sized ones currently being sported by yours truly. Remind self constantly that having to hang on to your rapidly descending trousers as you walk is not a sexy look. Bum does definitely not look big in this!!

12) Be nicer to my ‘love me, love me’ cat. Will resolve not to miaow back at him from upstairs windows when he is frantically yowling to come in. Will also remind myself that comically surprised expression on his face when i do so is not actually funny.

13) Will resolve to have very uncharacteristic minor crisis at some point within the year, just to buck the trend. It just doesnt do to get stuck into a rut these days…

14) Stop annoying myself singing random songs that pop into my head especially when i dont know the words and have to hum half of it..

15) Be happy….just because life is too short and im too far along the path to go back and start again.

Happy New Year Everyone!!

Screen-shot-2011-11-03-at-12.52.011

Happy New Year everyone!!

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The Art of Being Bridget

I’ve never been much of a girl for ‘chick flicks’ .

Usually i find the sickly sweet  ‘boy meets girl, mishap, misunderstanding and all’s well that ends well’  predictability rather nauseating.Two perfect people with a few predictable stumbles along the way finally ending up together in some flowery perfect romance of the most unlikely kind. But this aside i find i have one exception, a great love for Helen Fielding’s book and further movie ‘Bridget Jones Diary’ 

Bridget appeals, is realistically imperfect and blunders her way through life with a literal, endearing charm that leaves you feeling like you just met your best friend.  Add to this the reserved charm of the oh so handsome Mr Darcy ( yes i confess it i have a huge crush on Colin Firth) and you have a book and movie most of us will laugh, cry and sigh wistfully along with right to the very end. 

Bridget is…..well, just Bridget!! You cannot help but love her and right from the start you root for her at every step of the way, cringing at her faux pas and cheering when she gets it right. Everything about Bridget is so very wrong and yet so very right. Who among us doesnt feel an affinity for those ‘big pants’ that we all pretend we do not own yet invariably have hidden in some furtive corner of a drawer. Don’t we all wish some handsome Mr Darcy-esque figure would adore all our failings and announce they like us just the way we are?? I for one certainly would!

Bridget tells it like it is, no frills or fripperies and i cannot not help but laugh for she is very like myself blurting out exactly what is on her mind with no thought of the consequences. And yes i too have gotten myself into many a scrape by doing exactly so. Although i confess i have never drunkenly wailed along to ‘all by myself’ not yet made blue soup i cannot help but feel so in tune with Bridget and laugh and cry along with her life. 

We mourn our weight, bewail our tragic love lives and vow every Monday that we will start a diary of our very own for failings or not we all want,  just like Bridget,  to be just the way we are and to be loved for it. 

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