A Toy Story

No matter how old you are there is always a small part of you that never grows up. Some inner child that refuses to be tamed and see’s the fun and delight in everything no matter how small. For many this is something they never let out whilst in others that childlike quality sets forth, breaking free at every chance it gets. 

I am for the most part a lady and proud to be so but my inner child refuses to be squashed and i take great delight in being spontaneous and having fun. Match this with someone with all the qualities of a woodland imp and you have my boyfriend and i. So, a recent trip to London whilst beginning sedately was never likely to stay that way given the nature of the pair of us. Of course there is only one place in London to take your inner child and that is Hamleys, biggest toystore in the city. Now i have never been to Hamleys although my partner has and knew what to expect as we descended upon its colourful doorways….

Arriving in a cloud of soap bubbles my eyes did not know where to look and thus did not see the impending attack from a London Souvenir teddy bear. Those things have teeth you know and more than once i had to fight for my life and defend my as yet unbitten neck as it staged an all out assault upon my person. Aided and abetted by the dastardly vampire (aka boyfriend) i was most definitely under attack from all directions and seeking refuge amongst the Steiff bears. A cunning plan here since Steiff toys are far too costly to be involved in any rebellion and as a slow meander through their ranks ensued a cease fire was forced upon him. 

Breaking cover and dashing for the awaiting soft toy army this time the fight was on and team Panda fought back bravely, spurred on by pink fluffy teddy and big white curly teddy. Sensing a lowering of guard a joint assault from white curly teddy and General Panda, sent the afore mentioned sailing through the air to land squarely upon the king vampires nose. Direct hit!!! A most comical look of surprise and round one to team panda with vampire in hot pursuit as teddy bear armies sailed across the shop floor discreetly ignored by passing shop assistants yet not by small children staring open mouthed at the grown up warfare. 

Cameo performance by extortionately priced small bat preceded nostalgic wander through a colourful array of fluffy animals at this time heeding the temporary truce. Definite crossing of legs at this point as team Panda hurtled for the toilets hurling a brief ”i will find you” over a departing shoulder. Ah those immortal lines from Last of the Mohicans that saw a desperate Daniel Day Lewis hunting the wilderness for his kidnapped lady love.

Skidding only briefly to a halt to coo over a veritable Wonkafest of colourfully arranged confectionery team Panda speeded through a brief pit stop before negotiating the stairs and the previous whereabouts of team vampire. Despite the assistance of badly synced navigation equipment and triple circumnavigation of the arena the whereabouts of the mysterious vampire remained a mystery, definitely not a Mohican in the making then. All efforts exhausted in true childlike style Team Panda observed the golden rule reinforced on a regular basis throughout childhood..if you get lost stay where you are and we will find you. So as the desperately lost Team Panda languished in a magical doorway between worlds, Team Vampire was far far away hypnotised by an evil demon and his magical flying saucer. Time passed so slowly as Team Panda desperately waited for the vampire to escape the supernatural forces that compelled him and come to her rescue. Magical sorcerers appeared from the gloom hoping to tempt team Panda into submitting with offers of assistance but the Panda held firm and waited for her twilight hero to find her.

Saved only by a mysterious communication device the vampire had smuggled with him he came swiftly to the rescue and amid a cloud of rainbow bubbles they made good their escape into the outside world. Leaving behind an army of no small proportions they plot and plan for the next ensuing battle between teams P:anda and Vampire. Out in the grown up world a happy truce reigns but Team Panda will be forever on their guard for one never knows when vampires might attack.

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A Toy Story

No matter how old you are there is always a small part of you that never grows up. Some inner child that refuses to be tamed and see’s the fun and delight in everything no matter how small. For many this is something they never let out whilst in others that childlike quality sets forth, breaking free at every chance it gets. 

I am for the most part a lady and proud to be so but my inner child refuses to be squashed and i take great delight in being spontaneous and having fun. Match this with someone with all the qualities of a woodland imp and you have my boyfriend and i. So, a recent trip to London whilst beginning sedately was never likely to stay that way given the nature of the pair of us. Of course there is only one place in London to take your inner child and that is Hamleys, biggest toystore in the city. Now i have never been to Hamleys although my partner has and knew what to expect as we descended upon its colourful doorways….

Arriving in a cloud of soap bubbles my eyes did not know where to look and thus did not see the impending attack from a London Souvenir teddy bear. Those things have teeth you know and more than once i had to fight for my life and defend my as yet unbitten neck as it staged an all out assault upon my person. Aided and abetted by the dastardly vampire (aka boyfriend) i was most definitely under attack from all directions and seeking refuge amongst the Steiff bears. A cunning plan here since Steiff toys are far too costly to be involved in any rebellion and as a slow meander through their ranks ensued a cease fire was forced upon him. 

Breaking cover and dashing for the awaiting soft toy army this time the fight was on and team Panda fought back bravely, spurred on by pink fluffy teddy and big white curly teddy. Sensing a lowering of guard a joint assault from white curly teddy and General Panda, sent the afore mentioned sailing through the air to land squarely upon the king vampires nose. Direct hit!!! A most comical look of surprise and round one to team panda with vampire in hot pursuit as teddy bear armies sailed across the shop floor discreetly ignored by passing shop assistants yet not by small children staring open mouthed at the grown up warfare. 

Cameo performance by extortionately priced small bat preceded nostalgic wander through a colourful array of fluffy animals at this time heeding the temporary truce. Definite crossing of legs at this point as team Panda hurtled for the toilets hurling a brief ”i will find you” over a departing shoulder. Ah those immortal lines from Last of the Mohicans that saw a desperate Daniel Day Lewis hunting the wilderness for his kidnapped lady love.

Skidding only briefly to a halt to coo over a veritable Wonkafest of colourfully arranged confectionery team Panda speeded through a brief pit stop before negotiating the stairs and the previous whereabouts of team vampire. Despite the assistance of badly synced navigation equipment and triple circumnavigation of the arena the whereabouts of the mysterious vampire remained a mystery, definitely not a Mohican in the making then. All efforts exhausted in true childlike style Team Panda observed the golden rule reinforced on a regular basis throughout childhood..if you get lost stay where you are and we will find you. So as the desperately lost Team Panda languished in a magical doorway between worlds, Team Vampire was far far away hypnotised by an evil demon and his magical flying saucer. Time passed so slowly as Team Panda desperately waited for the vampire to escape the supernatural forces that compelled him and come to her rescue. Magical sorcerers appeared from the gloom hoping to tempt team Panda into submitting with offers of assistance but the Panda held firm and waited for her twilight hero to find her.

Saved only by a mysterious communication device the vampire had smuggled with him he came swiftly to the rescue and amid a cloud of rainbow bubbles they made good their escape into the outside world. Leaving behind an army of no small proportions they plot and plan for the next ensuing battle between teams P:anda and Vampire. Out in the grown up world a happy truce reigns but Team Panda will be forever on their guard for one never knows when vampires might attack.

Spiders, heartbeats and the speed of an Olympic Panda

For someone who hates water i admit i turn into somewhat of a mermaid when it comes to my bath. You can keep your showers for me it has to be a very very deep, very bubbly bath. I’m definitely lucky there because my bath is quite large and if i bend my knees i can lie right down in it.

Call me strange but when i need to relax i lie there with just my face sticking out of the water, close my eyes and listen to my heartbeat. Did you know you can hear your heart beating under water?? Well you can..try it and see!!

So evening comes and i’m doing my usual listen to my heartbeat routine and i admit i do stay there for quite a while getting horrid prune like fingers but i can never quite summon up the will to drag my waterlogged behind out of the bath. Humming merrily and totally out of tune i have no idea why but something prompted me to open my eyes.

 

Oh then did i holler, for sitting teeth gnashing right above my nose was a HUGE tarantula. Now i know you’re all going to say spiders don’t have teeth and it probably wasn’t a tarantula since i live in England but hey this wasn’t your nose this blood thirsty arachnid was wickedly hovering above. This thing was big and i mean BIG!!

Anyone who tells you pandas cant run, its a lie!! With a speed that would’ve put Linford Christie to shame and a maneuver  that should’ve guaranteed me a place on the Olympic high jump team i shot out of my lovely bubble bath shrieking like a banshee. I hate spiders, typical woman i know but i’m terrified of them and whilst i would never hurt one it doesnt mean i want them within a hundred mile radius.

Normally i’m quite smug for if i catch one scuttling across my floor i plonk a glass over it and then slide something under the glass to keep it in whilst i hurtle for the door and run right to the top of next doors garden to get rid of it. Seriously you don’t think i’m fool enough to put it in mine do you??

Well suffice it to say there was no way i was getting back in that bath so i crept closer and slammed the bathroom door shut, dashing for the safety of my bedroom dripping soap bubbles as i went. Fleetingly i wondered what i was going to do when i needed to pee for nothing on earth could prompt me into the bathroom with a man eating spider in residence!! 

Two hours later frantic crossing of my legs was not helping the fact i needed to go and there was nothing for it but to brave the bathroom so i tiptoed upstairs and eased open the door heart hammering nineteen to the dozen. Trust me i’d have spotted that spider from fifty feet so alert was i, but worriedly on seeing nothing i scanned the ceiling wondering where it had gone.

Inching closer my heart almost stopped in relief for there floating on top of the water quite dead was the spider. Dead or not my hand was definitely not going into the water and i sped downstairs for a kitchen utensil and gingerly hooked the chain of the plug, yanking it out. Yes i was still terrified almost as though i expected it to suddenly arise from the dead saying ‘ah fooled you’

Still frantically crossing my legs i willed the water to drain faster for i’m sorry was not taking any chances and being caught with my trousers down when super spider decided to resurrect itself. Nervously i held my breath as the water drained then wailed in disbelief when spider stuck firmly in the plug hole ( i told you it was big!! ) Well there’s only so long a bladder can hold before you really have to go so there was nothing for it but to grab a toothbrush and quickly poke it through the hole.

Definitely wise i speedily rammed the plug into the hole before dumping the bathroom bin on top and dashing for the loo. Needless to say i dont close my eyes any more when i lie down in the water. I dont want to be caught napping when mommy spider comes looking for revenge!!