Could you be a Cougar??

Cougar, its a term most of us know these days. One of those colloquialisms developed in society to label something which previously has either been indefinable or simply did not exist.

So what is a cougar??

Well simply put it is any woman who pursues the attentions of considerably younger men rather than those her own age. Usually a minimum of 7 years younger is required for the age gap to fall into the cougar status. I have always dated slightly younger men, mainly due to the fact that i do not look my age and can get away with it but i have never yet reached the requirements that would fit me into this cougar category. 

But could i be one?? Well this morning i admit i had rather a giggle as logging onto a diet and fitness forum i belong to i had a message alerting me to updates on threads i had replied to. Skimming the first two serious and advisory ones i picked up a few tips and added a further comment of my own. Now the third thread was entirely different and was infact a game entitled..do you think the person above is attractive. I had happily joined in the previous evening commenting that the girl at the bottom of the list was, despite being rather overweight, a very pretty girl. Considerably more entries had been added since mine and i skipped through them reading the comments and then rather absently flicked backwards looking for mine. In truth i had expected my comment to be from a girl since the boy/girl ratio was very much in the female favor but NO!!

’43?? I would do her!!’

Yes this was my comment and the commenter was…..a young lad that looked about 18! I actually choked on my coffee caught between exclamation, a giggle and the desire to swallow the contents of my mouth. The result was a spray of coffee upon my laptop followed by a mad coughing fit. Now i say this boy looked 18 he could well have been older but it would not have been much and i certainly wasn’t going to be seen checking his profile for fear of giving the wrong idea. But the comment set me thinking, could i really be a cougar?? It is not the first time i have had favourable looks from considerably younger guys infact very far from it and yes if i am honest i could have more than once dated far younger guys but yet i have not.

WHY?? 

Is it not every womans dream to be seen with some young fit looking guy rather than the frequently less so older men of their own acquaintance? Would women rather wake up to some smooth tanned body rather than the slightly wrinkling version she is expected to date? Perhaps, i know many women would jump at the chance to date a younger  man, seeking maybe to hold on to their own youth in the process but strangely i do not find this appealing and in truth would feel decidedly uncomfortable waking up with a boy in my bed.Romantic moment as he leans over and whispers ”Darling i love the way the sunlight dances across your wrinkles in a morning” It has to be noted that i consider any  guy under 28 to be in the category of boy more in reference to my own age although i own they would not thank me for it. As odd as it may seem i do not really look at much younger guys and even in the cases of movie stars i remain curiously unmoved. A friend recently asked me to go and see Magic Mike with her at the cinema which for those who do not know is about male strippers. As she drooled over the bronzed muscles of the male leads i found myself looking rather dispassionately at the picture for it did not appeal to me at all and i happily declined. 

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Give me Colin Firth or Kiefer Sutherland and you will happily see me melt (curiously so for both are older than i) for i prefer men who look like men and cannot see the appeal in those so much younger whom to me are just boys. It seems as i have aged my taste in men has aged with me and though i would happily date a guy a few years younger than myself i confess i am not the cougar type and have a line firmly drawn with regards to age. So whilst i may blush furiously at the comment left in regards to me i have to confess that where he would, i definitely would not. 

Could i be a cougar?? No after much thought i confess not but am i alone in this? Could you?

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Sweep me off my feet

                       Image

Alas the dating love boat has been sailing on by without me lately. Mainly due to me for i confess i haven’t really had the enthusiasm to weed the odd potential out from amongst the ‘oh no’s’  and have pretty much avoided answering any messages sent my way. Yes i guess i do feel slightly guilty and a little bit bad mannered which really isn’t my way but any desire to chat with faceless romeos has drained away somewhat more rapidly than i expected.

I have replied to the odd one or two, more in a friendly fashion than anything else and on some whim responded to a wink from a very cute looking soldier which i wouldn’t usually do. Okay i’m strange, uniforms really don’t do that much for me. Sure they’re smart and can make a guy look good but thats it i’m afraid, you wont see me running alongside the nearest fire engine screaming help i need resuscitating!  

Some time later amid all the chat he says to me ”So do you want to be swept off your feet?”   I blinked in surprise at that, i’ve never been asked it before. Guys are usually inclined to be the sweep you off your feet kind or as in most cases they aren’t.  The question actually threw me and i sat and pondered for a while, did i want to be swept off my feet?? I’m not easily impressed i’m too practical and logical for that but it can be done and as i sat and thought about it realisation dawned. YES!! actually you know what, i do want to be swept off my feet. Just for a change i think it might be nice! Although best of luck to you if you’re bold enough to try!

This is in itself a big surprise for as much as i’m a girl (obviously) and really soppy deep down when it comes to the whole true love thing, i’m also quite a strong character and the idea of someone else being in control in a good way was novel but mildly appealing. Perhaps i am guilty of being so disillusioned with love itself that all notions of romance have long since been torn up and thrown onto the fire. Then of course as is my way i set to analysing, what exactly does being swept off your feet entail? Flowers? waste of money they only die, Chocolate? i’m on a diet….you see the problem? 

Perhaps the truth is i’m looking for someone to be a little more inventive than that, things don’t always have to cost money but something that says they know you and thought about you is far more appealing than off handedly bought chocolates that they felt obliged to buy because tradition dictated they should. Hmmmmm i guess it really intrigues me how those few truly romantic passionate natured men really view love and just what is their idea of sweeping a girl off her feet. Well as the years roll by i confess i am still yet to discover but perhaps there is potential yet. 

                                                                                                         

                                                                                                                       We shall see!!

40 something dating in a 20 something world

‘SINGLETONS’

That’s what they used to call us although i am not so sure of the terminology now. More often applied to those 30 something career women not ready to surrender their freedom and trade in their solo lives for one of domestic bliss. Eventually just coming to symbolise anyone not in a relationship.

Yup, cue my 40s and my butt is very firmly back upon the shelf , legs swinging as i survey the world from my lofty perch. I find it very strange being up here, never really having been in the dating game i find my very few relationships have all been long term ones all resulting from existing friendships. Yes what can i say, i’ve dated my friends!!

So reaching early 40s and finding with glee that life actually does begin there i waved hello to singledom and   hauled my way up onto this shelf of mine and pondered what to do. It was definitely clear that in my somewhat rural location i was unlikely to meet the man of my dreams unless i underwent a radical personality change and swapped my pretty clothes for either wellies or a football shirt. Okay cue big shudder here..definitely not for me!!

Well it seemed there was nothing for it and i was going to have to take a paddle in the online world of dating which worried me for i had always imagined them to be the last resort of the desperate but feeling pretty gung ho i shrugged and figured what the heck what can i lose??  So after much nail tapping i came up with a profile blurb and then harassed Dear Daughter number 1 over the question of photos for i did not wish to be one of those women guilty of arriving for a date only to look 15 years older than my photo. I am SERIOUSLY lucky here for through a combination of good genes (thankyou parents for something at least) and great skincare routine i can easily pass for early 30s.

Me: (brandishing photo) does this look like me??

DD1: yes mom

Me: (waving photo under DD1’s nose) are you sure it looks like me??

DD1: YES mother it looks like you same as it did 5 minutes ago

Me: Are you REALLY SURE it looks like me i mean i dont want to be posting out of date photos??

DD1: MOTHER!!!! YES!!! it looks like you just put it on there….OKAY!!!

Okay so photo went onto the profile and i nervously sat and waited for Kiefer Sutherland to spot my youthfully witty self and declare me the woman of his dreams. Now i had very clearly stated in my profile i did not wish to date anyone more than 5 years older than myself, i’ve always been able to get away with dating men four or five years younger than myself. Generally i find men in their late thirties still have a tendency to take care of themselves yet still have that maturity that makes them very dateable. So profile posted i wandered off returning later to an email saying you have 7566 messages. Okay so i’m stretching the truth here but there were a pleasing amount of replies which was rather flatterering.

Two hours later peering at a photo of a gentleman i had presumed to be in his 50s i gaped in surprise..really?? You’re 40??

Trawling further i began to notice a trend, for these men and their profiles seemed pretty much of a muchness to me, all looked considerably older, all balding and all definitely hadnt taken care of themselves!! I pondered over what it was that made these men think that sullen faced passport photos or blurry out of date photos of them sprawled on a sofa clutching a beer were designed to snare them the woman of their dreams. Personally i am very attracted to intelligent men and stated so on my profile yet all too often some badly spelt  almost illiterate missive would land itself into my inbox leaving me howling in frustration.

Of course i was flattered, you cannot help but be so when people are interested and i politely thanked each one. BIG MISTAKE!!  Men i was definitely not interested in took my politeness for interest and i had to extricate myself from a sticky situation on several occasions.Three months later and one particular guy still winks at me daily despite my lack of reply. A most unfortunately unattractive man he, to my eyes, much resembles those gurners of old. I was rapidly coming to the conclusion that men in their 40s just dont take care of themselves these days unless they happen to be famous!!

Actually that isnt quite true for my best friend is of this age group and blessed with the same youthful genes as i. Adorably handsome with an impish charm and melting chocolate eyes he is most defintely not of the 40 something mould i was coming to experience. Although knowing him as i do he is no doubt at this point blushing furiously, protesting loudly and hiding under the bed with embarrassment. Having both doomed ourself to singledom we made a pact, he and i, that should we both be single come age 60 we shall run off and marry each other thus saving ourselves from being sad old people. Actually he thinks i was joking there but i did not like to confess that i already have a booking at the local county court for 2029!! Dum dum de dum……..

So joking aside and back to the world of dating, having weeded out a few possibilities i set about doing the meet and greet roundabout and oh boy was i in for an enlightening experience. They say women are guilty of artistic license?? well having clocked up 10 ‘meets’ so far only two actually looked anything like their photos, the others being of the ’15 years older than my photo’ ilk that i had tried so hard to avoid myself. My heart sank as each much older balding man shuffled towards me hands outstretched most clearly interested and more than happy to show it. 

With each meet the list of ‘oh no’s’ grew as i added to it ones that reminded me of my father and the one who tried to dictate to me on a first date. Cue hackles firmly raised for i do not if anything take well to being bossed around. Two that i walked past finding them totally unrecognisable joined the heap along with sexual innuendo guy and bad oral hygiene guy. So now as my inbox rocks to the tunes of the over 50s and i find myself the darling of the over 60s i despair of meeting Mr right and ponder if this dating game is for me. 

Sitting firmly on my shelf surveying the world from my lofty perch i sigh wistfully and wait for a handsome prince with intellect enough to get me down from here to come along and join me. And in the meantime i ping back another email to the meltingly handsome Miguel in Spain and consider moving to warmer climes where those romantic romeos really do look their age. 

                                                                                                                  Singleton

                                                 Yes me

once upon a time

ImageAfter becoming embroiled in the intrigue and mystery of the dating game i wonder if perhaps this is all for me, frequently finding myself disappointed or left in an uncertain state of mind which suits me not at all. I wonder perhaps if my expectations are too high, from a child having loved the whimsy and unabashed romance of fairy tales and quite happily believed in ever after and true loves kiss. Now perhaps as i grew older i came to realise that princes did not after all come from foreign lands to scale the walls of my castle, take one look and beg me to be their princess forever, nor yet did they appear under my window singing love songs sure to draw the attention of neighbours for miles around but yes i still had a belief in happily ever afters and being swept off my feet. Later post fairytale years as a female i have to admit the milk tray man did little to dispel this unshakeable belief and like millions of other women waited with baited breath for some handsome man to vault through my window bearing chocolate. So as the years rolled by and potential princes were proved to be frogs i guess this lady began to wonder how much truth there is in fairy tales after all and am i perhaps too old and maybe a little naive for wanting that after all. And i guess things just arent working out just the way i thought it would, not even a prince in training on the horizon and as for being swept of my feet well i think my only chances of that lie in the path of a force 10 gale. I wonder if men know how to be romantic any more or is it some outdated notion long since left in the pages of a Jane Austen novel with the brooding but irresistible Mr Darcy and the beautiful captivating miss Elizabeth Bennet.  So i optimistically vow to try so very hard not to be disappointed if my date doesnt gaze lingeringly into my eyes and be so very reluctant to leave my company and stand in amongst a sea of frogs just waiting for the one thats just that little bit special