the art of procrastination

Procrastination…

We all do it, even those most decisive of us are guilty of it to some degree or other and i alas am no exception. I blame the little pandas for it is entirely their fault and as they sit one on each shoulder pulling faces at each other behind my back i roll my eyes in resignation.

One, a total goody two shoes is the voice of reason and sensibility with a knack for making me feel guilty whenever i deliberate about a task in hand. The other in total contrast more devil may care with a cheeky nature and a ‘don’t care’ attitude, takes great delight in urging me to rebel and do everything that i know i should not. Whilst the latter is definitely more fun she is much more inclined to lead me astray and push me into the most terrible of bad habits.

So cue an early Sunday morning and as i crawled out of bed at an earlier time than usual i walked sleepily into the laundry hamper and hurtled into the bathroom with Goody cooing good morning on my left shoulder. Naughty was at this point peering through a mad tangle of hair and growling something that sounded like 

”What time of the morning do you call this!!”

Actually it is pretty hard to decipher anything sensible through a muffled tangle of hair but we will take it as said. Dutifully making coffee shortly after Goody is gleefully hopping up and down at the thought of yoghurt and fruit whilst Naughty is mutinously sitting cross legged demanding a biscuit to go with the coffee and muttering about deserving something after being hauled from her bed so early on a Sunday morning. Well since i was in no mood to listen to the constant complaining there seemed to be nothing for it but to oblige and shut her up even if just for a little while.

As per every other morning Goody was not to be phased and moved on to loading the washing machine whilst Naughty added further protests to her already grumpy diatribe, loudly lamenting the amount of noise coming from a rapidly filling appliance. Most annoyed she demanded crossly to be taken back upstairs and returned to bed to drink coffee in comfort since she had a dislike of the cold floor of the kitchen. Of course she again won in her demands for tv to accompany the coffee and swiftly threw a cushion at her saintly counterpart, knocking her firmly from my shoulder leaving her to begin the long journey back to her perch. 

Decidedly under the influence of the now smug Naughty a Sunday morning passed in total idleness and it was not until a slightly ruffled Goody hauled her saintly form back onto her lofty perch that i began to feel perhaps just a tad lazy. As she slid down my stomach and prodded the spare inch at the top of my thigh for dramatic effect i guiltily slunk downstairs to retrieve clean gym kit and dispatch my now empty coffee cup into the sink. To say naughty was far from impressed was an understatement as she emerged blearily from beneath the pile of crumbs she had been using as a duvet. 

Battle commences as the two war over how to spend a Sunday and i watch helplessly as the time ticks away whilst they fight. At least i am ready so should my saintly saviour win out i have only to leave the house but Naughty it seems is not to be bested so easily on this occasion. Naughty does not like the gym you see and would much prefer to spend her afternoon in total leisure for, as she reminds me frequently, it is meant to be a day of rest. So today i may or may not be going to the gym, just as i may or may not be having a lazy afternoon. Infact i really have no idea what i am doing today.

I do wish they would hurry up!! 

http://www.blogdash.com/full_profile/?claim_code=a90a20200dbf6bee4835d162e827d60d

Advertisements

Keeping hold of a ninja panda

Every good superhero has their alter ego and in this i am no exception. I have christened her Ninja Panda for trust me this is what she believes she is. Blame squarely on her shoulders for hauling me from my lovely warm bed and happy little dream world, forcing me to haul ass on the treadmill for what seems like an eternity yet no sign of relenting from her. I cannot help but envy her get up and go for who else would have the energy to dance upon a treadmill at the end of a 10k power walk? Well she would of course!!

Ninja panda has a mission, not content to let my once cuddly form find gleeful solace in some disgustingly sinful gastronomy she steals away my comforts in the night. Whilst i clutch hopefully at a stray donut and practise breathing in a little harder she skips around in gym clothes poring over skinny jeans in an online store.Skinny jeans really?? We don’t do skinny jeans!!

Really aiming high this Ninja Panda and boy do i suffer for it, were she and i not so close i think i could really hate her at times although a twinge of envy creeps in as she twirls in a pretty dress i never could wear. But she lands me in trouble every time and today yet again she has done just that. Okay i suffered her gym torture, 10k!! why do we need to walk that far, is there a Starbucks at the end of it?? Apparently not, yet as usual she makes me walk top speed every step of the way laughing as every muscle shrieks and i dehydrate faster than a fish in a desert. A most evil Ninja Panda indeed.

Not content with forcing me to a life of hard labour she now wants us to run, oh yes you heard right. Now something seems to have escaped her notice for pandas do not run, they are by nature quite lazy and like to sit and eat. Yes you heard me i said they like to sit and EAT!! No running, no exercise just blissful decadent eating in comfort as a true panda should. My alter ego and i?? No we’re going running, apparently. Not content with making my ample bottom move faster than it is used to oh evil one wishes me to do this in public, for 10k!! This made me chuckle for i am not sure quite how long they pay these people to hang around and wait for the stragglers to roll in, for straggler i definitely shall be whether madam ninja likes it or no. 

So as the tender ministrations of Herr Ninja sign me up to running lessons with the female trainer at the gym my face drains of all colour as one time military fitness instructor pipes up that he will train the ninja and i when his counterpart is not available. I’ve been good honest mom!!!  Now i know im not in Kansas any more but never did i dream that OZ would look like this. Time to get jogging down that yellow brick road then with Ninja Panda at my heels pushing me all the way.

Superheroes seem so glamorous dont they? Wouldn’t we all like to have an alter ego to turn us into the heroes of our dreams and to make us all the things we can never be in our less than remarkable lives. 

Yeah thats what i thought too!! Anyone want a Ninja??

Invasion of the bodysnatchers

Sooooooooo you’re all expecting a post about the movie right?? Some far out musings of a science fiction nature?? Alas i am afraid you are going to be very disappointed, no aliens (almost) , no sci fi, no mind blowing action. Just a panda who isn’t a panda today.

I have been body snatched. Seriously!!

Its not meant to be obvious, i  look the same and i sound the same but little things will start to give themselves away that i am not really me after all. 6.30am was the start of the clues when the real me would tumble out of bed, stagger in the direction of the scales which would be duly cursed at before heading for morning ablutions. Pretend me opened  one eye, semi registered the time of 8am (see a giveaway, late already) before pulling the covers over my head and burying my face in the pillow. I have no idea what pretend me has been up to for the battery tanks are totally empty and the fuel gauge flashing a warning red. Personally i think they had to replace me in a hurry and didn’t get time to do an overnight charge, everyone knows new electricals need a 16hour charge before use right??

At this point real me would be gaining inspiration from an episode of The Biggest Loser whilst downing breakfast and pre gym coffee but pretend me was still face down in the pillow daydreaming and refusing to move. At least they got one thing right for real me can’t ever go back to sleep once awake and nor it seems can replacement me. Score one on the design front then! Swiftly followed by yet another glaringly obvious mistake since by 10am real me would have transformed into gym ninja and be happily bouncing along the road to the blaring tunes courtesy of Lifehouse, already planning the two hour gym session and humming tunelessly. 

Poor imitation me (i think they shop at Poundland) is slithering from the bed into a heap on the floor and absently noticing a long lost shoe from my unusually floor prone position before crawling in the direction of the smallest room in the house. You’d think they’d have had a little more design etiquette and done away with this tiresome necessity but perhaps there just was no time. Two coffees later (another glaring error) and replacement me is nibbling half heartedly on a rich tea biscuit having skipped breakfast entirely and disinterestedly surveying the prairie outside my back doors and musing the possibility of pretending to be a pioneer for the day. Admittedly the neighbours might stare if i skip outside in a long calico dress and a bonnet and start hitching up a wagon but hey i’m bodysnatched right??

Too much of a giveaway?? Maybe.

So while the real me is killing up in some alien gym somewhere, my other self is floating around on the internet and wondering whether to volunteer to help out my alter ego with a spot of housework. She seems to be pretty tidy this other me so i decide to leave well alone until i am more familiar with the way she works after all if i am to be her i have to act like her right. Still she has quite a few photographs of some good looking guy on her computer which i would rather look at that do her housework if i am honest. Perhaps this bodysnatching thing might be fun after all!! 

I must be very careful and not do anything too out of the ordinary for her since this will be sure to be noticed. Common sense tells me that perhaps hiding out here for reconnaissance purposes will be most adviseable at this point in time so for now i am going to lay low and survey my position. Stay tuned for further installments on the invasion of the bodysnatchers and be alert for we are everywhere. You never know when we might come for YOU!!

Top Clicks

  • None

Top Rated

Follow xpanda1969x on WordPress.com

Twitter Updates

Error: Twitter did not respond. Please wait a few minutes and refresh this page.

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 2,278 other followers

Blog Stats

  • 37,415 hits
The KiltLander's Blog

JP's Outlander Recaps and other perspectives from the Dirk Side

Dionne Lister - Author

I love sharing my stories but I wish they wouldn't keep me awake at night

Great Scot!

Cultural Musings of An Outlandish Nature

clotildajamcracker

The wacky stories of a crazy lady.

Professional Moron

Daily Doses of Surreal Humour & Culture

Soul Love 11:11

Love That Transcends All Understanding

InfinitelyRemote Blog

Gateway to BlogDogIt.com

There By Candlelight Press

How many miles to Babylon? Three score and ten. Can I get there by candlelight? Yes, and back again.

Top 10 of Anything and Everything!!!

Animals, Gift Ideas, Travel, Books, Recycling Ideas and Many, Many More

PICZLoad pics a la carte

Watchout Loud and Have PICBliss!

Under Construction

Something is coming soon.

Jane Austen's World

This Jane Austen blog brings Jane Austen, her novels, and the Regency Period alive through food, dress, social customs, and other 19th C. historical details related to this topic.

eyE[before]E

in the land of the m[EyE]nd the one E'd man is kEEn

Perking the Pansies

Jack Scott's random ramblings

%d bloggers like this: