Do you feel better now??

Today i bumped into an old friend as i was happily skipping my way back from the gym to a very catchy upbeat song and i have to admit i was in an awfully good mood. Seeing she looked tired i asked how she was and enquired after her baby which i knew was a big mistake given past history. This particular friend is never happy and when i say never i really do mean NEVER. She is very self pitying and has more than a little tendency to make self derisory comments because she loves the attention and the fussing she gets from people who rush to console her. 

For a very long time i was a major one of these people and would daily drop everything and go rushing over as each crisis presented itself and spend hours dispensing positivity and praise in her direction to make her feel better about herself. Like any good friend i helped with self esteem and advised on diet when she complained she was fat (which was daily) yet never did she heed any of it and seemed to thrive on running herself down for attention. I wanted to help for i genuinely believed she had poor self image but over time i could not fail to notice she was often incredibly mean in reference to other people. 

Many a time in some public setting she would loudly and gleefully pass criticism on some poor unfortunate passer by , fully aware that the people could often hear her. My horrified reprimands would be ignored and she would laugh uproariously, finding the whole situation incredibly amusing. No amount of reasoning would make her stop and i began to come to the conclusion that she was either genuinely nasty or simply did so to make herself feel better. This aside i found it was not a situation i was at all happy with and eventually we parted as friends for i am not a person who is at all comfortable with causing distress and upset to others. 

Time passed and never did she change. Those traits so displayed in my company continued and grew upon a social networking site and i shook my head as others replaced me to pander to her needs. Perhaps this behaviour was so ingrained that she has no hope of ever changing, i do not know but still the part of me that was her friend cannot help but wish that she had accepted genuine help rather than settling for just attention. We passed in the street and i am nothing if not polite, always a hello and a smile would be offered in her direction yet i was not so keen to renew the acquaintance.

Lately i confess we have talked more and recently i rolled my eyes in resignation as she leered over a photograph of my boyfriend and the typical crude comments came forth. As usual i did not comment, i have found it better to stay silent and make a hasty exit these days. So encountering her again today i enquired as to how she was and stifled a sigh as she began the oh so familiar self pity and self annihilation  and wondered briefly whether to offer sympathy since she seems to need it so. As she focused her self hatred upon her weight i consoled and offered help but swiftly wished i hadn’t as she snapped at me

”Its alright for you, you skinny cow, You look okay YOURE not fat and ugly”

To say i was speechless was a bit of an understatement for she knows full well how overweight i was and how hard i have worked to get to where i am now. Years ago we had even started the gym/ diet journey together but she chose not to carry on where i doggedly persisted. I guess some people you really just cannot help and i shook my head and made my excuses to leave. I had nothing to say and no sympathy to pour upon her wounds and for once my kindly nature had totally run dry.

Musing some time later i realised she is far from the only person i know who behaves this way. Some not so self loathing but still with the propensity to mock others and render critical opinions where often they should keep quiet. I have always believed if you cannot say anything nice, do not say anything at all and i firmly adhere to this principle. The world is harsh enough at many a time, do we really need to be making it worse. Perhaps a little think before you speak would be something we could all use a bit of. 

So, do you feel better now?

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Distinct Lack of Manners

Well for those of you who don’t know Dear Daughter number 1 is getting married in march. Yes oh boy do i feel old as this in effect makes me mother of the bride, an image that conjures up middle aged woman in mauve two piece skirt suits and fussy hats. I definitely do not feel old enough to be mother of anything let alone mother of the bride and you most certainly will not see me dressed in such a way at the altar!!

Mostly the wedding is fine, all is plodding along nicely until Dear Daughter begins to enlighten me about her soon to be relations who are apparently of the super religious variety. Now don’t get me wrong i have no objection to this and stoutly believe that each to their own and nobody should be subject to derision or prejudice pertaining to their beliefs. What i do object to however are those who forcefully impose their beliefs on others and potential relative being a rather effusive American preacher seems to have a tendency to do just that. 

Even for this i can make allowances for just one day as long as this does not interfere with the choices of the bride and groom whose wedding it happens to be however, judging from dear daughters accounts, the wife of said minister cares little for this, being a dominant controlling character. I could sense Dear Daughters annoyance as, having pre-warned by soon to be mother in law that this woman will try and control the wedding and have things to HER own liking, she related events to me. So this lady first expresses annoyance that their engagement was announced to friends and distant family via facebook (their choice) and that this lady did not receive a personal written notification. My eyebrows raised at this but i remained silent as the tale continued with this lady insistently pushing towards her husband performing the marriage ceremony. 

Now Dear Daughter and Almost Son in Law are getting married in church and seemed to favour a traditional church service held locally and performed by the local vicar but it seems this lady thinks differently and continues to forcefully push her point, regardless of the wishes of the couple. Now my hackles raised slightly at this for this woman is nothing to do with my daughter, has never met her and ultimately will only be an aunt by marriage at the end of it. I do not like pushy people and nobody is going to decide MY daughters wedding except for her Fiance and herself and already the lines of battle are drawn as i am not a person to rile when it comes to those i love.  

As dear daughter continued to inform me of Almost Mother In Laws warnings that soon to be relation would seek to criticise and reorganise every part of the day i had already decided I shall not take to this woman at all. So it was with no surprise that I logged onto Facebook today and clicked on a photograph my daughter had been tagged in by this woman. Now my daughter was not actually IN this picture and was infact a photograph of the preacher but nonetheless she had been tagged to bring it to her attention with the caption underneath stating

He can still do the wedding you know’

Oh Lady carry on for you and i are set to do battle and believe me you shall not win! Perhaps your lord should have seen fit to teach you some manners and decorum for it really is not the done thing to impose your will upon others. Yes hackles are firmly raised and although i shall be very polite and respectful you can be sure that the lady in question will not be gaining the forceful control she seems to be so desirous of.

Sorry dear this time you have met your match!!