Run for your life

Not content with being a total gym addict and hitting the weights with all the determination of a G I Jane i recently decided that running would be a good next step for me. Now i have not run for almost thirty years when  a much younger me lined up to strut my stuff in the 800m and i was good, back then i was very good.

Today however is another matter and previous years have seen me doing a most faithful impersonation of Thomas the Tank Engine when subjected to any attempts to move at more than fast walk speed. Definitely some short circuit between lungs and legs leaving me with a decided inability to use both at the same time. But being as i am when i set my mind upon something i do not rest until i have won and this being my new focus of determination was to be no different to any other. I freely admit positive bolstering from more than one direction led me to believe there was no earthly reason why anyone could not run and i blithely skipped into the gym believing this was so.

Day one and treadmill selected i tentatively selected my usual fast walk hoping to naturally slip into a run with little effort but oh i was wrong. Yes…help im suffocating!! White flag was a waving and i swear my face turned an unbecoming shade of cherry as lack of oxygen shut down all essential parts of my body and i gasped for air like a landed flounder. Okay so those in the know said the first few minutes are the hardest so keep going..and like a litany a line from Finding Nemo chanted in my head like some ancient spell

‘Just keep swimming, just keep swimming. swimming swimming, just keep swimming…..

Actually perhaps here i am a little guilty of artistic license for i was actually coping rather better than i had hoped and was actually breathing rather well. Ten minutes sailed by and still going and if i had developed a rather fixed interest in The Alan Titchmarsh show on the big screen tv you can forgive me a little for i needed the distraction. Small prayer being sent up shortly after that the sound of clapping behind me was a fellow gym goer applauding my efforts and not infact the sound of my bottom cheeks clapping in their efforts to keep up.

Actually i was proud of myself as the girl who cannot run clocked up twenty minutes and as my feet flew i felt like Peter Pan for some brief moment in time. Unexpected the next day was unaccustomed aches as my legs protested with every movement leaving me feeling as though i had aged somewhat overnight and i hobbled wincing from my bed. Had i not known better you should never have thought i spend hours in the gym but it seems running reaches the parts that other exercise fails to reach. 

So wincing and groaning to the treadmill went i for my feet and i are most determined to fly.

Run run as fast as you can, you can’t catch me i’m the gingerbread man

So run i will and try and try for i shall not give up until i can run with the best of them. I close my eyes and i run and run….and he runs with me….so i run. 

Keeping hold of a ninja panda

Every good superhero has their alter ego and in this i am no exception. I have christened her Ninja Panda for trust me this is what she believes she is. Blame squarely on her shoulders for hauling me from my lovely warm bed and happy little dream world, forcing me to haul ass on the treadmill for what seems like an eternity yet no sign of relenting from her. I cannot help but envy her get up and go for who else would have the energy to dance upon a treadmill at the end of a 10k power walk? Well she would of course!!

Ninja panda has a mission, not content to let my once cuddly form find gleeful solace in some disgustingly sinful gastronomy she steals away my comforts in the night. Whilst i clutch hopefully at a stray donut and practise breathing in a little harder she skips around in gym clothes poring over skinny jeans in an online store.Skinny jeans really?? We don’t do skinny jeans!!

Really aiming high this Ninja Panda and boy do i suffer for it, were she and i not so close i think i could really hate her at times although a twinge of envy creeps in as she twirls in a pretty dress i never could wear. But she lands me in trouble every time and today yet again she has done just that. Okay i suffered her gym torture, 10k!! why do we need to walk that far, is there a Starbucks at the end of it?? Apparently not, yet as usual she makes me walk top speed every step of the way laughing as every muscle shrieks and i dehydrate faster than a fish in a desert. A most evil Ninja Panda indeed.

Not content with forcing me to a life of hard labour she now wants us to run, oh yes you heard right. Now something seems to have escaped her notice for pandas do not run, they are by nature quite lazy and like to sit and eat. Yes you heard me i said they like to sit and EAT!! No running, no exercise just blissful decadent eating in comfort as a true panda should. My alter ego and i?? No we’re going running, apparently. Not content with making my ample bottom move faster than it is used to oh evil one wishes me to do this in public, for 10k!! This made me chuckle for i am not sure quite how long they pay these people to hang around and wait for the stragglers to roll in, for straggler i definitely shall be whether madam ninja likes it or no. 

So as the tender ministrations of Herr Ninja sign me up to running lessons with the female trainer at the gym my face drains of all colour as one time military fitness instructor pipes up that he will train the ninja and i when his counterpart is not available. I’ve been good honest mom!!!  Now i know im not in Kansas any more but never did i dream that OZ would look like this. Time to get jogging down that yellow brick road then with Ninja Panda at my heels pushing me all the way.

Superheroes seem so glamorous dont they? Wouldn’t we all like to have an alter ego to turn us into the heroes of our dreams and to make us all the things we can never be in our less than remarkable lives. 

Yeah thats what i thought too!! Anyone want a Ninja??

The art of being subtle

Well another day over at the gym and to say i am pretty annoyed is putting it mildly. My usual workout is between 2-21/2 hours but today i was lucky if i did 80minutes. Yup i feel lazy and oh boy do i feel like i’ve cut half of my weights out which actually yes i have. 

And why??

Well it is simple, i got so annoyed with my latest admirer and his blatant staring that i grabbed my stuff and left. I know what you are all thinking it’s flattering to be eyed up but i really do not feel comfortable with such open appraisal and really wish they would be more subtle about it.If you’re looking at me and i’m not looking back then please just take a hint. A lot of the gym where i go seems to be guys since most of the women stick to the fitness classes and not so frequently weight train as i do. So far i have 3 guys who seem to check me out a lot and sure, i’m a girl, it was a tad flattering at first but trust me it rapidly gets annoying especially since i am very honest that i am taken and am not the remotest bit interested in any of them.

I guess the problem is i go to the gym to work and i mean WORK. I have my ipod and i zone out and really kick up the weights and cardio and to be honest i really do not want someone yakking in my ear while i am doing so. I need to concentrate! If i drop my weight and injure myself because you’re distracting me lets just say i’d be awfully angry. I have to say most of the guys at the gym are pretty great, they’ll chat after workouts but like me they dont want to be bothered while theyre working out so other than a quick smile and hello we dont interact. But for all that there are those who seem to treat it as some kind of pick up joint and spend half their energy looking around.

So the three guys in question??

Number one is pretty okay, he’s kinda subtle and had he not hunted me down online and sent me a very flirty message saying i had a fantastic body i should never really have noticed him looking. I have to admit he has gotten slightly more obvious since then but was fine when i told him i have a partner. He doesn’t invade my space while im training and chats only when he can see i’m not busy which i really am okay with. I dont mind this guy so much at all and am happy to be friends with him.

Number two, lets call him council guy. He has for a very very long time been staring at me since i frequently bump into him in town and he is quite blatant about it. He will stare and put himself in my eyeline catching my eye until i am forced to acknowledge him and say hello. I do not like being forced to say hello to people, i am far from antisocial but i like to choose who i wish to speak to but this guy does not care. At the gym he is very blatant and not content with a hello on first meeting he has to have me acknowledge and say hello to him EVERY time we pass. This guy engineers bumping into me so much (trust me nobody can really need THAT much water from the cooler) that dear daughter commented yesterday that this guy seems to be obsessed with me. She remarked quite loudly that surely one hello was enough then loudly announced that he was staring at my bottom. 

Number three. Now this guy is new having only latched onto me this week and now suddenly his every workout coincides with mine whereas before they did not. Another one who is very blatant about catching my eye the minute i enter the gym and there is no getting past him until i have. This guy has taken to intercepting me on the treadmill and will stand straight infront of it and start talking until out of politeness i am forced to remove my headphones and answer him. Anyone else would get the idea that someone going at a very fast incline pace with headphones on is not likely to be disposed to chatting but this guy does not care.Good manners force me to answer him and despite very terse short responses from me he was not to be deterred, even commenting at one point that his making me chat was leaving me very out of breath. When i replied that yes indeed it was he laughed and carried on. I’m sorry but HELLO???

So today it was guy number three that forced me to leave, having caught my eye the minute he walked in just by his overt here i am body gestures. I replied a quick hello and turned up my music and put my head down and carried on and he made several attempts to catch my eye and get me talking. Shortly after my spidey sense prickled that someone was behind me and a swift glance revealed this guy standing right behind my treadmill doing stretches whilst staring at my behind. Most infuriating was that he did not even have the decency to look away and stayed there despite my turning round twice more. This guy then positions himself on a rowing machine right next to me leaving his head at my crotch level and within touching distance despite the fact there was another further away. At this point i decided to get off the treadmill and head for the weights but again spidey sense prickled that i was being watched and indeed this was the case. Self consciously i put my head further and further down but it made no difference.

Well to be honest that was enough for me and i grabbed my kit and left and have decided that in future i shall be going to the gym rather earlier where i can hopefully workout in peace. Yes it is flattering when people think you are attractive and i daresay i would be very disgruntled if nobody ever looked my way but there is such a thing as being subtle. Whilst i am very receptive to such appreciative looks from my partner i am definitely not so from total strangers and such obvious staring makes me feel decidedly uncomfortable. Perhaps the fault is mine and i should learn to be more flattered but i cannot help but prefer rather a lot more subtlety in an appreciative glance. Perhaps there is something to be said for being fat after all for being called fatty is rather easier to handle.